tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post1598402839124404728..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : GRIZZLY KIDUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-738253732206286832010-01-28T17:26:09.191-06:002010-01-28T17:26:09.191-06:00Well, I would love to read this and share it with ...Well, I would love to read this and share it with my kids. Good luck with it!Sarah Jensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18385403676603047861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-3830092725766844892010-01-28T14:30:45.618-06:002010-01-28T14:30:45.618-06:00Oops. Don't take the "out" after &qu...Oops. Don't take the "out" after "bust him" like I accidentally did.Kristie Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649966564896771373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-80997575992670843112010-01-28T14:29:38.154-06:002010-01-28T14:29:38.154-06:00This is great! Sounds like a heart-warming story -...This is great! Sounds like a heart-warming story - nothing greater than a friendship across generations.<br /><br />I think you can tighten it up just a bit and have a powerful letter. Some ideas (I've taken out the extra words you don't need):<br /><br />"They promised each other they would<br />go to Wyoming and kill a big seven-point elk this season, but when one of their adventures lands them in trouble with the police, Tyson's<br />parents stick his best bud in a nursing home."<br /><br />"In the nursing home, Gramps asks Tyson to go on one more adventure together: bust him so they can go kill that elk. But when Tyson discovers the reason Gramps's in the nursing home, the adventure turns risky for real."<br /><br />You can also take out the line of manuscript available upon request. It's such a formal line compared to the rest of the letter's tone, and completely unnecessary. Agents are pretty sure you'll provide the mss on request. Otherwise, why would you be querying them?<br /><br />Good luck!Kristie Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649966564896771373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-22791108620729688182010-01-28T12:51:30.853-06:002010-01-28T12:51:30.853-06:00I got so caught up in the idea of the story, I for...I got so caught up in the idea of the story, I forgot to crit your query. I think an agent will feel that way, too! Would love to read this touching story! Prune juice contest . . . fabulous!Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-60614572777486428392010-01-28T07:30:20.521-06:002010-01-28T07:30:20.521-06:00I love the sound of this, and your query is pretty...I love the sound of this, and your query is pretty good. I just have a couple of concerns. The third paragraph seems a bit jumbled at first, and I'm wondering if it might be clearer if you move the first sentence of that para. to the one above. Then later in that paragraph you use the word "real" twice in one sentence. You might want to reconsider one of them.<br /><br />Good luck with this. I like it.melodycolleenhttp://bleudaisies.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-38831733420410976372010-01-27T20:48:45.193-06:002010-01-27T20:48:45.193-06:00Love it! This is the sort of story I love reading....Love it! This is the sort of story I love reading. I can't find anything to add except to say it's perfect and to the point. Oh, maybe one thing - I don't like that it's much better than mine.<br /><br />Good luck with it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-42937791252410297282010-01-27T20:06:18.046-06:002010-01-27T20:06:18.046-06:00This is a very well-written query, I think. I'...This is a very well-written query, I think. I'm with Marice. I can't find anything wrong with it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-76403606866580302252010-01-27T19:50:00.841-06:002010-01-27T19:50:00.841-06:00Ooh, this is good. I'm sure someone will have ...Ooh, this is good. I'm sure someone will have some input about how to improve this, but I don't. This sounds like the kind of story that hits close to home. Good luck!Marice Kraalhttp://maricekraal.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com