tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post6058002542206937393..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 50Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-16346061962155668572012-01-11T17:00:32.343-06:002012-01-11T17:00:32.343-06:00I know this has been a long time, but I was wonder...I know this has been a long time, but I was wondering if you could send me a manuscript of your story. I thought it was a very unique and interesting idea.<br /><br />novice0@yahoo.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-32074219340143640672010-05-10T11:53:56.692-05:002010-05-10T11:53:56.692-05:00I recommend cutting the third paragraph, and keepi...I recommend cutting the third paragraph, and keeping your query in the third person. <br /><br />A unique plot, certainly.<br /><br />Nice work.Jamie Weiss Chiltonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-21115428950806662342010-04-15T01:37:24.294-05:002010-04-15T01:37:24.294-05:00I love this and I'd definitely read on. I thin...I love this and I'd definitely read on. I think I'm the odd one out here because I like the two POV's in the query. It shows there will be two POV's in the MS, however, I'm not sure how an agent will see it, but I'm interested to find out.<br /><br />Good luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-82568359294288285972010-04-14T07:28:28.053-05:002010-04-14T07:28:28.053-05:00Interesting concept, and I think you presented you...Interesting concept, and I think you presented your storyline in an engaging way-that said, I do agree with some of the other commenters that the POV switch mid-query doesn't work. I'd keep it all in third-person.hesternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-39077082516411873952010-04-13T20:02:29.538-05:002010-04-13T20:02:29.538-05:001. Like everybody said, please change it to third ...1. Like everybody said, please change it to third person throughout. It should flow much more smoothly then! <br /><br />2. I like how normal you make these teens seem. The brief mention of snowboarding took me by surprise and made me smile, while the "it's a blessing and a curse, but mostly, it's a blessing" caught my attention to in a good way. I like the positivity the character shows.<br /><br />I'm guessing you got your inspiration from the real story of Chang and Eng?Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11886151771194369513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-91125509281514753802010-04-13T17:53:26.793-05:002010-04-13T17:53:26.793-05:00I think if you just take out the first-person POV ...I think if you just take out the first-person POV paragraphs, this will be a very solid query. It's certainly an out-there premise.<br /><br />I'm not sure that I would personally be interested in a conjoined-twins story, but I think it's fair to say that this is a completely original idea. I hope you find the right audience for it.Liz Czukashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15656897969180818333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-30205023756848561582010-04-13T15:59:44.526-05:002010-04-13T15:59:44.526-05:00I liked the premise of the novel, but I don't ...I liked the premise of the novel, but I don't think it is a good idea to have multiple viewpoints in the query. It also seemed long to me. I think if you took out the two point of view paragraphs that the query would work.<br /><br />Good luck!Mimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08685941102691667990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-91278760547633943572010-04-13T14:12:48.160-05:002010-04-13T14:12:48.160-05:00The writing is great, the premise unique, but I ha...The writing is great, the premise unique, but I had problems with the query as it is. I knew what you were doing, but it just didn't work for me.<br /><br />Of course, I'm not an agent, nor do I have an agent, so my opinion is worth squat.<br /><br />But I didn't quite care for the style. Sorry.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-12056679270876716052010-04-13T12:54:10.084-05:002010-04-13T12:54:10.084-05:00I have to agree with Sage, I think starting the qu...I have to agree with Sage, I think starting the query off with first person POV is very confusing. I think the concept is very interesting, but it took me a few reads to understand the POV shift.Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15180833967091158106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-81874300298121948722010-04-13T10:28:00.231-05:002010-04-13T10:28:00.231-05:00I bet the alternating chapters/POVs works really w...I bet the alternating chapters/POVs works really well in your novel, but for the query, it's very distracting. You have a short time to hook the agent, and you don't want to confuse her by skipping between first and third. I don't know of any conjoined twins novels, so the concept is very interesting, but don't let the query style distract from that.Sagehttp://sagelikethespice.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.com