tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post8429784495089671335..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 32Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-3722927729088359582010-05-09T12:13:38.212-05:002010-05-09T12:13:38.212-05:00I recommend cutting the first paragraph.
Could y...I recommend cutting the first paragraph. <br /><br />Could you change your young law student to a senior in high school, or a girl in the summer before college? As it stands, Aurora's character doesn't easily fit into the YA category. Also, the focus on (gratuitous?) sex in the third paragraph seems more adult-market. <br /><br />From the query, your story seems a bit too close to A.M. Jenkins' REPOSSESSED. How could you revise the query to better differentiate it?<br /><br />Nice work.Jamie Weiss Chiltonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-11134823541408232962010-04-15T00:00:13.948-05:002010-04-15T00:00:13.948-05:00Unique concept, I like it. I agree you should ski...Unique concept, I like it. I agree you should skip the first paragraph and start with the second. And, do thank the agent at the end for taking time to read your query. <br /><br />Very interesting.June V. Bourgo, Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12242974662704802965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-31248872703218995342010-04-14T19:49:37.950-05:002010-04-14T19:49:37.950-05:00Great query, and new concept. I would read this in...Great query, and new concept. I would read this in a heartbeat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-78330056193731433452010-04-13T16:06:25.848-05:002010-04-13T16:06:25.848-05:00Just a comment (this is my query)
The word count p...Just a comment (this is my query)<br />The word count paragraph somehow got cut off.<br /><br />Here is the missing pp:<br /><br /> SHADOW OF DOUBT is complete at 51,000 words and falls into the category of young adult fantasy. The storyline has a unique twist that goes beyond the traditional fantasy, with pure love that can conquer anything – something the older teenage market won’t be able to put down.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-58043196569924693852010-04-13T08:40:24.871-05:002010-04-13T08:40:24.871-05:00Great, original concept here! The conflict is ver...Great, original concept here! The conflict is very clear and we know what the stakes are. Good job!Hhookhttp://www.hollyannehook.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-1846790220396358582010-04-13T01:00:06.826-05:002010-04-13T01:00:06.826-05:00I agree with Stina, this doesn't sound YA, but...I agree with Stina, this doesn't sound YA, but it could still work if the law student is young enough (like extremely smart and skipped a few grades).<br /><br />Also, the biggie, don't start the query with "What if" or "Imagine" - agents don't really go for that, I've read. Leave that whole first paragraph out and start with the second.<br /><br />And, um, I didn't see a word count.Dorothy Dreyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07359417869474783409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-19023830673347132892010-04-12T22:55:28.351-05:002010-04-12T22:55:28.351-05:00I was intrigued with this one. My one concern is t...I was intrigued with this one. My one concern is that it doesn't sound YA. He's in love with a university student. Is she an older woman? Okay, I'm guessing he's technically older, but YA usually goes up to the age of 18, and rarely are the characters in university . . . with a few exceptions. To me, this sounds like the newest genre: New Adult.Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-88312479345539099672010-04-12T22:36:05.809-05:002010-04-12T22:36:05.809-05:00This is an interesting premise, and I like the tit...This is an interesting premise, and I like the title. I wasn't sure if his former flame was human or shadow. You make the conflict clear, and it's an interesting twist on the old theme of forbidden love.<br /><br />I wouldn't begin with rhetorical questions. Agents generally don't like that. And I would include a word count and thank the agent for their time.Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-3531567785592384812010-04-12T21:54:45.962-05:002010-04-12T21:54:45.962-05:00Wow! What a great query. I love this. How funny th...Wow! What a great query. I love this. How funny that he turns into a payphone. Now, that would be an interesting read.<br /><br />It's spooky, funny and intriguing. Fantastic.<br /><br />I love forbidden love stories, so I would read a book like this one.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.com