tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post9211254925929982105..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 49Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-18224646855785048562010-05-10T11:44:43.768-05:002010-05-10T11:44:43.768-05:00I'd like to get a stronger sense of the action...I'd like to get a stronger sense of the action and conflict in this story. Also, how old is Melina?<br /><br />You have room to expand here, and I think a bit more detail will help make this as stronger query.<br /><br />A good start.Jamie Weiss Chiltonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-74452111816024487422010-04-25T22:18:21.671-05:002010-04-25T22:18:21.671-05:00I enjoyed the voice in this query and the clear co...I enjoyed the voice in this query and the clear conflict outlined for the story. Though, I would consider explaining Melina's responsibility or role to the grove in the second paragraph to help set up the conflict. <br /><br />Also, I would look at the last sentence of paragraph two and consider being a bit more specific. What are the humans after in the Grove? <br /><br />Good luck.Rangehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17235206058288756278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-9527617462335615342010-04-13T22:47:43.655-05:002010-04-13T22:47:43.655-05:00Hey!
At the start of this, I was a little confuse...Hey!<br /><br />At the start of this, I was a little confused because I wasn't sure what 'her kind' was. You should also mention her setting earlier on so that readers will get situated into the story sooner.<br /><br />Her powers as well need to be better defined, otherwise we won't really know what it is that's weakening as the power grows.<br /><br />All in all though it sounds like it can be pretty fun. Just be less vague in your query :DXhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12130387377974576835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-52986807595908712632010-04-13T20:12:31.398-05:002010-04-13T20:12:31.398-05:00I'd probably take that first line and put it t...I'd probably take that first line and put it towards the end. Start with the story.<br /><br />You also need to clarify what Melina is. It sounds like she's a dryad, but is she a tree or does she have a tree that belongs to her? <br /><br />Finally, are there any other characters in the story besides Melina? Does Melina interact with anyone? Good luck!Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11886151771194369513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-83180531583317522742010-04-13T14:15:52.016-05:002010-04-13T14:15:52.016-05:00I was a little confused because the title said Wal...I was a little confused because the title said Walking Grove, but then I guess it's the Waking Grove.<br /><br />I really love the voice in this, and the idea of her daughter growing from the blossom. Seems different for me.<br /><br />But the second paragraph confused me because I wasn't sure who's POV we were in at first. I thought maybe the blossom's power was weakening.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.com