tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post1004329072471574623..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 9Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-73898307791852956242010-04-26T21:46:06.050-05:002010-04-26T21:46:06.050-05:00It's a paranormal apocalypse, for one city, at...It's a paranormal apocalypse, for one city, at least. High-stakes drama! <br /><br />This is a concise query, perhaps more so than it needs to be. I'm confused about how the paranormal element of being a tempest integrates with the world we know. I'd like to get some more clues/details about how this works. <br /><br />How does Gary know Janelle's a tempest? What is their relationship? Also, is Janelle's mom a Tempest, too? Why does the Tempest leader hate humans -- maybe leave out this detail. <br /><br />Though the plot is clearly high stakes for the city about to be destroyed, I don't see it as high stakes for Janelle herself. I need to know more about what is at stake for her.Jamie Weiss Chiltonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-50231791931146644702010-04-25T05:41:07.241-05:002010-04-25T05:41:07.241-05:00A unique idea, something that hasn't been done...A unique idea, something that hasn't been done - I love that. Your language is short and to the point. Your query is brief yet informative, giving a clear idea what the plot's all about. And the conflict is both internal and external (Janelle not wanting to cause harm, but the leader may force her to go through with it) - got to love that. <br />I'd like to suggest bringing the info about word count and genre to the top, and change the genre from paranormal to fantasy; other than that, a tight and professional query.Jayde Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07567870209914960701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-13592420575870999092010-04-15T00:09:22.571-05:002010-04-15T00:09:22.571-05:00Very unqique story line. I definitely would love t...Very unqique story line. I definitely would love to follow the character of Janelle and see what happens to her. I'm captivated by the concept of <br />control over weather being her power. I'm in.June V. Bourgo, Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12242974662704802965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-19026555251629999622010-04-12T21:20:21.141-05:002010-04-12T21:20:21.141-05:00Fascinating story line - very unique and not the t...Fascinating story line - very unique and not the typical YA paranormal. Seems to catch a completely different possibility.<br /><br />I like the character's voice - the query seems to captivate the MC's attitude.<br /><br />Id be interested in reading and see what happens to Janelle.Wanitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-24035255116498332612010-04-12T16:15:58.768-05:002010-04-12T16:15:58.768-05:00Great concept, great query. My only advice would ...Great concept, great query. My only advice would be to make the gravity of Janelle's situation clearer earlier on. Being forced to become a storm isn't the same as being forced to become a hurricane, for example.<br /><br />Also, maybe I'm just not up on the definitions, but this seems more like a fantasy novel than a paranormal novel to me.Regan Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07743064670671084192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-36728833682716680942010-04-12T13:05:47.352-05:002010-04-12T13:05:47.352-05:00I think you've got a very marketable idea here...I think you've got a very marketable idea here. I especially love the word play of your opening line. The voice is strong and the conflict huge.<br /><br />The only thing I might change would be the placement of your word count and genre. I think some agents prefer that info right off the top.<br /><br />Great job!Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-9763070947833806842010-04-12T12:02:32.471-05:002010-04-12T12:02:32.471-05:00I like the voice in this query, and the premise is...I like the voice in this query, and the premise is interesting. I'd like to know how it all unravels.Dorothy Dreyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07359417869474783409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-89447933691056844842010-04-12T11:39:05.163-05:002010-04-12T11:39:05.163-05:00What a great story idea. This would also make a gr...What a great story idea. This would also make a great movie, especially for teens.<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.com