tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post1072246918844611554..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : ENTRY 22Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-89290629570930387662010-02-01T07:19:48.638-06:002010-02-01T07:19:48.638-06:00Nothing else to add. I love it too. A great query ...Nothing else to add. I love it too. A great query with a great hook.<br /><br />Good luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-54479590426371220542010-02-01T06:02:15.872-06:002010-02-01T06:02:15.872-06:00This is practically pitch perfect, imo. I can'...This is practically pitch perfect, imo. I can't think of a single criticsm to make. :) Zombies aren't something I'm even interested in, and I really want to read this story.<br /><br />Good luck!lvaehttp://www.livejournal.com/~wevvlesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-39380880931720176062010-01-31T21:22:18.800-06:002010-01-31T21:22:18.800-06:00OMG I love this query so hard. This could be the ...OMG I love this query so hard. This could be the funniest pitch I have ever seen before.<br /><br />Great job :)ryan.gebharthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13650431854267039889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-73992788233555508512010-01-31T20:22:04.366-06:002010-01-31T20:22:04.366-06:00This is great. It sounds really funny, and I love ...This is great. It sounds really funny, and I love your voice. My only concern is that 43K sounds too short for YA (perfect for MG, though). You have such great voice, I know 43K would really leave me wanting!Sonja Stonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14267178241224627287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-34719941698548908922010-01-31T18:40:53.750-06:002010-01-31T18:40:53.750-06:00I too agree with jasounders about where to start y...I too agree with jasounders about where to start your query. It is the punchiest line and would drag us along.<br /><br />Sounds like a lot of fun!Francescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07892273762273248682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-52040258985597825592010-01-31T18:22:21.312-06:002010-01-31T18:22:21.312-06:00What a voice! And I agree with Jasouders about whe...What a voice! And I agree with Jasouders about where to start your query. That would be the best hook. Then, tighten, tighten. It reads a little like a synopsis. Also, absolutely no mention of a previous agent. Of course, if this project was repped and sent to publishers, your new agent will need to know where the manuscript was sent. Cross that bridge when you come to it. :)Jesshttp://www.jessyferguson.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-54758842349691874342010-01-31T17:56:11.002-06:002010-01-31T17:56:11.002-06:00Hey, I'm not going to go into detail because I...Hey, I'm not going to go into detail because I've read this novel, but I just wanted to mention that reading this AFTER the novel, I noticed something intersting. In the query Vera sounds dismissive of college, as if being a supermodel or spy would be better for her, but I know that in the book, the fact that she can't go to college is a big deal to her. I don't know if it's worth changing to include that part (I know what your query response has been like), but I thought it was worth noting that being so important to her, it could have been more important in the query too.<br /><br />But goodness knows the voice in this is soooo strong, and it pitches the story really well. Good luckSagenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-65624758828439744572010-01-31T16:56:01.182-06:002010-01-31T16:56:01.182-06:00Like the other commentators I REALLY REALLY love t...Like the other commentators I REALLY REALLY love this. I hope this gets published because I'll be one of the first in line to get it. My only suggestion is I think your query starts at "Vera is totally and completely dead." That seems more of a hook to me then the sentences that preceded it and like the other commentators it could use a little tightening and I'd leave the other agent out, unless you have published work. I'd mention that. The details, IMO, should go after your blurb.<br /><br />GOOD LUCK!!J.A. Soudershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17460557430817566294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-89956005776347821252010-01-31T15:48:39.493-06:002010-01-31T15:48:39.493-06:00Ha! Very funny. I agree with the above posts, make...Ha! Very funny. I agree with the above posts, make things a bit tighter. I also wouldn't mention previous representation. I think it leaves the agent wondering, "Well, what happened?"<br /><br />I hope this gets published, I'd love to read it! Great work.Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-41952031291898175162010-01-31T15:38:51.594-06:002010-01-31T15:38:51.594-06:00Your query had me laughing out loud. It's hyst...Your query had me laughing out loud. It's hysterical, and I'd love to read the book. You have a great voice and the story sounds fun. The only thing I'd suggest is to tighten your query. Also, I don't know if I'd mention having had another agent. Depending on why you left, it could open a can of worms.<br /><br />Best of luck.Catch My Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-67415249269217971552010-01-31T15:34:04.111-06:002010-01-31T15:34:04.111-06:00I love this. I love the voice and the concept - ve...I love this. I love the voice and the concept - very quirky.<br /><br />My comment on the query itself is that it could be tighter to pack more punch. Pick spy or actress to shorten that paragraph. And I would take out 'In fact, he has some pretty crazy ideas of his own….' and lead straight into the 'with the help'. <br /><br />Overall, you have a query with voice, which shows the ms has voice - an agents dream. Best of luck!Gemhttp://www.gemmacooper.co.uknoreply@blogger.com