tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post2141412545296055257..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 43Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-18050809686591093342010-05-10T10:17:34.181-05:002010-05-10T10:17:34.181-05:00A high-stakes premise. I'd like to know more a...A high-stakes premise. I'd like to know more about Keelie and get a sense of her voice. There's no mention of potential "love" feelings for Aspen before the third paragraph, and I think you need to bring this in earlier. <br /><br />You could leave out the detail about Keelie siding with "the cool kids" since that description is a distanced, adult voice, and your other plot details are more important. <br /><br />Who is the stranger? How is he tied in?<br /><br />Nice job.Jamie Weiss Chiltonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-19449850507736159702010-04-13T13:58:54.449-05:002010-04-13T13:58:54.449-05:00I too liked this, a lot. But I had a little confus...I too liked this, a lot. But I had a little confusion. I wondered why the mysterious stranger would tell her about Aspen if the price of Aspen's release was the stranger's own soul. I'm guessing the stranger helped her get to Charonne. I'm thinking he's a good guy. I know you want him mysterious but I wanted to know a bit more.sbjameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06986950185596914217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-31108065562835805272010-04-13T10:41:45.645-05:002010-04-13T10:41:45.645-05:00Fascinating premise. It's unclear why she'...Fascinating premise. It's unclear why she's to blame for Aspen's death, though. <br /><br />It would be interesting to see how Aspen is alive, and what that means since his funeral is already taking place. <br /><br />Interesting indeed!Michelle Mnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-33293139631994910542010-04-13T07:54:04.910-05:002010-04-13T07:54:04.910-05:00I think this is a very good query. Your MC has a m...I think this is a very good query. Your MC has a major dilemma on her hands, no? <br /><br />I was just a tad confused about her being able to travel around in Styx, but I'm sure the book makes it all clear.<br /><br />Nice job.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-23453852854196472712010-04-13T05:40:58.757-05:002010-04-13T05:40:58.757-05:00This is awesome! The only problem I had was trying...This is awesome! The only problem I had was trying to figure out how she was falling more in love with Aspen when he's trapped somewhere. Other than that, I'd love to see this published so I can buy it! Good luck!Natasha Roguehttp://thewritingblues.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-453987545816536442010-04-13T00:46:02.212-05:002010-04-13T00:46:02.212-05:00I was drawn in right away. And I love the Styx rev...I was drawn in right away. And I love the Styx reverence - I actually use it in one of my books too, using the River Styx actually. Love that mythology.<br /><br />Good luck!Dorothy Dreyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07359417869474783409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-70182166155384690372010-04-13T00:13:15.601-05:002010-04-13T00:13:15.601-05:00Interesting book premise. You need to make your h...Interesting book premise. You need to make your hook at the beginning a little more clear. BEing party to blame is vague. Is she responsible for his death?Melissa Deanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10677077308421607728noreply@blogger.com