tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post3326964303624925021..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 21Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-59033844977709038502010-02-16T20:04:00.872-06:002010-02-16T20:04:00.872-06:00The beginning caught me, as it should, but the las...The beginning caught me, as it should, but the last two paragraphs lost me. It sounds interesting but the second two need some work.Bridget Devonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06247186618360413317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-54598818729319878242010-02-16T19:47:02.154-06:002010-02-16T19:47:02.154-06:00I would also like this to be more personal and les...I would also like this to be more personal and less omniscient feeling. If we had a character to care about, it would be even more compelling. Good language use in places.Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-75657430393764888862010-02-15T21:48:09.242-06:002010-02-15T21:48:09.242-06:00The end of the world is always a big hook, but you...The end of the world is always a big hook, but you need more showing to capture it. I'm not quite following what's happening with this liquid or why. I think you could be more concise in your writing but you chose some good descriptive words.Catch My Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-77254020002398686132010-02-15T21:46:52.955-06:002010-02-15T21:46:52.955-06:00I have to admit while reading it, I got distracted...I have to admit while reading it, I got distracted several times and had to go back and re-read.<br />If for most, the end came without a warning, how come it came as little surprise that the world as they knew it was changing? Is it the apocalyspe? Is everything ending? Or is life just changing drastically? I'm confused.MBeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17325522661963443320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-42765942395019099552010-02-15T19:48:17.835-06:002010-02-15T19:48:17.835-06:00I think you could start this with the second parag...I think you could start this with the second paragraph. But I have no idea what is happening, so I could be wrong.<br /><br />Not sure if I'm hooked or not.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-70612024739189567002010-02-15T18:37:11.054-06:002010-02-15T18:37:11.054-06:00The writing is good in terms of painting a picture...The writing is good in terms of painting a picture and it is technically solid. My only complain is a pretty general one - the "eye in the sky" point of view didn't work for me. That may not be true of everyone - I don't lean towards scifi/fantasy, which is what this feels like.<br /><br />If it makes you feel any better, the prologue in my first novel did a lot of the same thing.Edward G. Talbothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07101538926701204083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-75521540956549548482010-02-15T17:00:29.306-06:002010-02-15T17:00:29.306-06:00Vivid, but a bit confusing. Strong voice, though.Vivid, but a bit confusing. Strong voice, though.Josin L. McQueinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05751043333147850336noreply@blogger.com