tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post8806507729579166728..comments2023-08-06T04:09:05.980-05:00Comments on Cornell DeVille : Entry 14Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-63392564887816803432010-02-16T19:09:00.951-06:002010-02-16T19:09:00.951-06:00What they said about the POV being confusing. I wo...What they said about the POV being confusing. I would like to know the characters a bit more before the crash, to engage my emotions. Also, watch adverbs (worriedly). You really don't need them. His thoughts show his worry. I think you might be able to pull off the changing POV if you don't put them so close together or make them so abrupt. I thought Robbie was riding in the van the first time I read it. Good luck to you! Sounds like an interesting story.Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-73429679765024643842010-02-16T16:37:09.460-06:002010-02-16T16:37:09.460-06:00Maybe it’s just me, but I was totally confused bec...Maybe it’s just me, but I was totally confused because the POV kept changing. I read it three times, but I still have no idea what the story is about, so it didn't hook me.<br /><br />I’m sure it’s a great story though.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-3108793233606154482010-02-16T10:31:34.037-06:002010-02-16T10:31:34.037-06:00Its an interesting plot, but I was confused and lo...Its an interesting plot, but I was confused and lost as to what was happening and I had to re-read. It did not hook me because of that.Lisa Stenzelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08651242092064396004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-14683588646145287282010-02-15T21:07:02.939-06:002010-02-15T21:07:02.939-06:00I think to really hook a reader, you need an event...I think to really hook a reader, you need an event fixing to happen. What takes place is never as captivating as what we see could happen next. I'd stop it as the van threatens to veer off the side of the road.<br /><br />With the dialog and "..." at the beginning, this doesn't feel like the start of a story.<br /><br />Be careful to stay into the same character's pov.<br /><br />It's an interesting concept but a bit jarring with the jumping from spot to spot.Catch My Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-57618180099442865132010-02-15T20:57:18.348-06:002010-02-15T20:57:18.348-06:00The beginning threw me a little, but then I figure...The beginning threw me a little, but then I figured it out. I really like the description of the van after it went over the edge. Very vivid. <br />Now I'm wondering, with the father hiding out in a motel receiving envelopes...did he have his wife killed?!MBeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17325522661963443320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8939951804632494408.post-1509581605228673202010-02-15T16:49:52.850-06:002010-02-15T16:49:52.850-06:00The bookended "breaking news" style pass...The bookended "breaking news" style passages were a little odd, but beyond that it was an interesting set-up.Josin L. McQueinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05751043333147850336noreply@blogger.com