Monday, April 12, 2010

Entry 25

Title: KNIGHTS OF AVALON
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

Sixteen-year-old Justine Kwiatkowski doesn’t believe in magic.  She doesn’t believe in reincarnation.  All she knows is that last night, the best friend she’s ever had, Gwen Martinez, went missing outside the town of Avalon and she’ll do whatever it takes to get her back.        

But if she wants to rescue Gwen, she’ll have to step into a world she thought only existed in legend, because her best friend happens to be the reincarnation of Guinevere, and fifteen hundred years after the fall of Camelot, the Knights of the Round Table have returned, reborn as New Jersey teens. 

Problem is, Mordred and Morgan le Fay are back too, and unlike most of the knights, they remember who they once were.

With Mordred murdering the knights before they can regain their memories, Justine has to figure out how to track down the few remaining survivors – a star football player, a brilliant artist teetering on the brink of madness, a high school dropout working odd jobs to support his family - and convince them to bury centuries-old grudges and work together.  If she can do that, she just might save her friend, and maybe, the world.

Knights of Avalon, a YA Urban Fantasy, is complete at 88,000 words.  While intended to be the first in a series, the book can stand alone.  Hopefully this manuscript will be of interest to you.  Thank you for your consideration! 

6 comments:

  1. Hi!

    First off, this seems pretty interesting :) I'm a sucker for knights and King Arthur. I would say that I believe Meg Cabot had a similar book produced called Avalon High, but it's possible that there is room in the industry for more than one book based on a similar premise. After all, Twilight wasn't the first book about a vampire falling in love with a high school girl and Harry Potter wasn't the first book about a kid going to witch/wizarding school.

    That being said about your query: I like the first paragraph, but the second has me a bit confused. When you used the phrase "step into a world" I thought of her literally going into another world (or going back in time or something) where Camelot exists or something. Maybe better wording might stem confusion?

    Also while I absolutely love the idea of Mordred killing the knights and Justine having to assemble the rest into a kick ass party, it's not really stated how this will save Gwen. Maybe a causal link is missing there?

    Finally this isn't a criticism, but I'm just wondering: what about Arthur? After all, he's the titular character of the King Arthur series, so naturally I'd be wondering why he hasn't been mentioned in the query (unless you're counting him as one of the knights?). But if he doesn't need to be in the query, that's cool.

    Anyway, sounds awesome!! Good luck <3

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  2. I think this sounds very interesting. There's been a lot of mythology reborn and fairytales reborn, but there's definitely room for some King Arthur reborn ;)

    I don't know that I'm pulled in until a few sentences into your query, though, so that might be something to look into. Otherwise, good job

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  3. Thanks, guys! The feedback's great! Now I'm off to make some changes...

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  4. I really like this query, and like Sarah above, I'm a sucker for King Arthur. This sounds like a good premise and I'd most likely grab it off the shelf to read. I agree with Sage the first few sentences didn't draw me in until the end of the first paragraph.

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  5. I like this query. Very nicely put together. Good luck with it.

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  6. Jamie Weiss ChiltonMay 7, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    You have a great hook, and you could begin with it, restructuring your query something like this:

    Fifteen hundred years after the fall of Camelot, the Knights of the Round Table have returned, reborn as New Jersey teens.

    [insert what is currently the first paragraph here]

    Short and punchy, with a strong hook, this is an eye-catching query. Nice job.

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