Monday, April 12, 2010

Entry 32

Title: SHADOW OF DOUBT
Genre: YA

What happens when you fall for the one you are forbidden to love? When destiny takes over everything you fought to control, that which was forbidden could now destroy you.

Erebus is a Shadow, an immortal night dweller, walking the Earth for the last century. By day he is the occlusion of a payphone, and by night he returns to human form. He’s different than other Shadows, solemn when Shadows are meant to live for personal fun and satisfaction. That is, until he meets Aurora, a young law student at Cornell University, a human girl. His entire world is shaken. Human feelings he's never had, and urges he’s never understood, like wanting to have a place to live of his own, drive him to question everything about himself and his kind.

Prohibited by the Night Council to have a relationship with a human that involves more than just sex, Erebus is risking severe punishment to be with Aurora on a completely different level.When a jealous old flame, Nanny, stalks back into his life, Erebus breaks the most important law set by the Shadows and reveals his secret to Aurora. By telling her, he jeopardizes everything, and must protect her from Nanny and the judgement of the Night Council. His biggest fears are realized when he sees his desire for Aurora could destroy her, or worse, erase his own Shadow forever.

SHADOW OF DOUBT is complete at 51,000 words and falls into the category of young adult fantasy. The storyline has a unique twist that goes beyond the traditional fantasy, with pure love that can conquer anything – something the older teenage market won’t be able to put down. 

9 comments:

  1. Wow! What a great query. I love this. How funny that he turns into a payphone. Now, that would be an interesting read.

    It's spooky, funny and intriguing. Fantastic.

    I love forbidden love stories, so I would read a book like this one.

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  2. This is an interesting premise, and I like the title. I wasn't sure if his former flame was human or shadow. You make the conflict clear, and it's an interesting twist on the old theme of forbidden love.

    I wouldn't begin with rhetorical questions. Agents generally don't like that. And I would include a word count and thank the agent for their time.

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  3. I was intrigued with this one. My one concern is that it doesn't sound YA. He's in love with a university student. Is she an older woman? Okay, I'm guessing he's technically older, but YA usually goes up to the age of 18, and rarely are the characters in university . . . with a few exceptions. To me, this sounds like the newest genre: New Adult.

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  4. I agree with Stina, this doesn't sound YA, but it could still work if the law student is young enough (like extremely smart and skipped a few grades).

    Also, the biggie, don't start the query with "What if" or "Imagine" - agents don't really go for that, I've read. Leave that whole first paragraph out and start with the second.

    And, um, I didn't see a word count.

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  5. Great, original concept here! The conflict is very clear and we know what the stakes are. Good job!

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  6. Just a comment (this is my query)
    The word count paragraph somehow got cut off.

    Here is the missing pp:

    SHADOW OF DOUBT is complete at 51,000 words and falls into the category of young adult fantasy. The storyline has a unique twist that goes beyond the traditional fantasy, with pure love that can conquer anything – something the older teenage market won’t be able to put down.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great query, and new concept. I would read this in a heartbeat.

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  8. Unique concept, I like it. I agree you should skip the first paragraph and start with the second. And, do thank the agent at the end for taking time to read your query.

    Very interesting.

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  9. Jamie Weiss ChiltonMay 9, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    I recommend cutting the first paragraph.

    Could you change your young law student to a senior in high school, or a girl in the summer before college? As it stands, Aurora's character doesn't easily fit into the YA category. Also, the focus on (gratuitous?) sex in the third paragraph seems more adult-market.

    From the query, your story seems a bit too close to A.M. Jenkins' REPOSSESSED. How could you revise the query to better differentiate it?

    Nice work.

    ReplyDelete

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