Monday, April 12, 2010

Entry 6

Title: A BREED APART: THE TOKEN
Genre: YA/Paranormal

Lost in the panther’s eyes, at the mercy of the very creature whose deadly force saved her from a demon’s cold grasp, sixteen year old Callie Michaels can no longer deny all the strange things happening to her are real.

When her best friend, Tammy, shuts her out rather than explain the runes covering her walls, Callie knows something’s up. Renewed friendship with James, the football stud that got swept away by the 'cool crowd' and the trap of popularity, exposes her to a whole new level of weird. Witness to some very odd behavior, she presses to know more. James confides that his family and close friends live by the rules of the jungle, but can divulge nothing else. Secrets make it hard to know who to trust and Callie is afraid of what those secrets will reveal.

With nowhere left to turn, Callie accepts the mark of the demon and watches all her dreams come true. Her talents are recognized, she’s popular and she even finds love. And then comes the price. Small tokens at first, but the decrepit form playing genie wants more. The changes she once welcomed have made her into something to be feared. The greatest danger--what she’s become.

A Breed Apart: The Token, complete at 98,000 words, has strong paranormal elements that are woven into the very heart of the story, yet as a twist from the nature of the genre, being 'supernatural' never makes things easier. The romantic aspect will appeal to audiences that enjoyed novels like The Demon's Lexicon, by Sarah Rees Brennan, and Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. However, the style is likened more to Kim Harrison and Laurel K. Hamilton who greatly influenced my writing. I have been writing in different genres for several years, most often young adult or romantic fiction, and have contracted an urban fantasy novel with a small, Canadian publisher, Blade Publishing, under the pseudonym Bianca Sommerland.

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to hearing from you.

4 comments:

  1. I think you have a really interesting idea here, but it's buried under lots of words. I think more concise, to the point paragraphs might be easier to follow - I'm not getting how the panther, the football guy's family, and demons connect to form the plot.

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  2. I agree with Trisha(above) in that your book sounds interesting but your query could use some shortening.

    Your opening sentence, could it read: "...sixteen year old Callie Michaels can no longer deny the strange things happening to her."

    Second paragraph idea:
    Her best friend, Tammy, shuts her out. Renewed friendship with James, gets weird when he confides that his family and close friends live by the rules of the jungle, but can divulge nothing else. Secrets make it hard to know who to trust.

    Good luck!!

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  3. I agree with the previous two comments. It sounds like you have a fairly complicated story, but for your query you want to boil it down to its basic elements. It's hard to tell here whether Callie normally lives in our world or whether her world is naturally skewed. It's also (as Trisha said) not clear how the different plot elements tie together.

    I'd recommend cutting the sentence about your writing style being akin to Hamilton and Harrison, also--your voice and writing style should be evident from your query and/or sample pages.

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  4. Jamie Weiss ChiltonApril 26, 2010 at 9:27 PM

    I think you'd have a much stronger if you start with the second paragraph.

    With or without the first paragraph, I want to get a stronger sense of the plot from your summary. Phrases like "renewed friendship with James..." are too vague to situate me in the story.

    I'm not sure why Callie has nowhere left to turn.

    Phrases like "football stud" and "cool crowd" are a concern, because these are an adult's voice. I want to get a better sense of Callie's voice.

    Nice use of comp titles; I don't think you need the style comps, or to let the reader know that these authors influenced your writing.I think you'd have a much stronger if you start with the second paragraph.

    With or without the first paragraph, I want to get a stronger sense of the plot from your summary. Phrases like "renewed friendship with James..." are too vague to situate me in the story.

    I'm not sure why Callie has nowhere left to turn.

    Phrases like "football stud" and "cool crowd" are a concern, because these are an adult's voice. I want to get a better sense of Callie's voice.

    Nice use of comp titles; I don't think you need the style comps, or to let the reader know that these authors influenced your writing.

    ReplyDelete

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