REVENGE OF THE PINK GRANNY PANTIES
I walked into math class and scoped out the sub.
Easy prey.
What little life this loser had was about to get a whole lot worse.
Mrs. Billet, our math teacher, had finally had her kid and was home changing diapers for a month. We were on our second sub of the week, and Foster F. Finkman made it his job to upset subs.
I was his partner in crime.
Mr. Thompson was the victim of a bad brown toupee. It looked like Grunt, my guinea pig. This teacher wannabe was somewhere between thirty and fifty, had braces and breath that would kill a camel. I'd had him as a sub since kindergarten, and he hadn't changed a bit. Except for the braces.
Toupee Thompson knew all of us at Harly Middle School by name. It isn't a big school, since Harly, Oklahoma isn't a big town. So when Camel Slayer noticed Finkman was new, the sub flashed a silvery smile and squeaked, "What's your name, young man?"
Finkman stood and squeaked back, "Foster Florentine Finkman. And I hope you don't mind me asking, but is that your real hair?"
ROFL --- I think I knew that kid in gradeschool!
ReplyDeleteThis is my kind of story. I can certainly relate to Finkman. I’m hooked!
ReplyDeleteI really like the title! For some reason, the name Camel Slayer threw me off and I had to go back and read everything a second time.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked, though. This sounds like a lot of fun.
Ugh!
ReplyDeleteUnless the narrator and this triple-F get their butts soundly kicked several times through the course of the novel ..... no, that is mean thinking.
I do confess, it strikes close to home. I knew too many of these kids growing up. However, I think as a hook, this is just about as great as it can get. Not my Genre', but I can't imagine how a fan of the antihero wouldn't love this.
I really enjoy the voice, but I think the opening sentence could use a little something more to grab our attention.
ReplyDeleteAs a substitute teacher, I'm lucky that I know how to put kids like that in their place ;) but it's definitely easier with the younger crowd! heh
I can see this story being a fun middle grade piece.
This is darling, and I would want to read on. Good job.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Love the title, too. I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteFun, thought the number of names threw me. When referred to directly, Mr. Thompson alone has 5 different labels throughout this piece. Some of them are just fine, but others I think you can just call him by his name and be done with it.
ReplyDeleteBut I do indeed remember the battles between kids and subs, so this is pretty good because it makes me think, "Uh oh, what are they gonna do?"
Hooked and it sounds good. I wouldn't read though.
ReplyDelete