WELCOME TO FAERYLAND
The unmistakable scent hit my nostrils as soon as I crossed the threshold of my room. I closed my eyes as I locked the door behind me, willing my senses to be deceiving me. There was the distinct smell of Fae— green grass, trees, running water, and magic— mixed with a very human smell, the smell of sweat and dirt and the city. It was a smell only a Fae who spent lots of time in the human realm would have. The smell of a Fae who had been banished to the human realm.
“Ari!” Puck’s delighted voice sang in my ears. I opened my eyes in defeat. He sat on my dresser like he hadn’t a care in the world, his wide grin showing off teeth as white as his hair. His hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, exposing his sharply pointed ears, and he wore an old pair of jeans, a bright green collared shirt, and no shoes. He had a brownie in his hand that looked suspiciously like the one of the ones my mother had made for the bake sale. The ones she had made me swear not to touch.
“Trickster,” I said.
Is this a take off of A Midsummer Night's Dream? Or are you just using the Puck?
ReplyDeleteNot sure how I feel about the Puck thing. And, the narrator loses me a bit, to the point where I'm not quite sure who is the Fairy, and who is the Earth-born..
ReplyDeleteWhat I was really hoping for was something glitteringly unpredictable that established the scene and these characters' relationship... and ages... Is the human school-age and finds a fairy doing calculus homework (badly...?) ? Are they adult and the Other-worlder has found the "soft-and-fluffy" garments drawer?
I really hope for something to catch me by surprise, but I'm afraid I stepped out of this one thinking, "Fairy in the bedroom, mischief ensues."
It didn't much hook me. It's not that it's badly written, but there's not enough tension in it. Also, is the faerie's name Puck or Trickster?
ReplyDeleteI think I'd be more hooked if I were a fantasy reader and knew what a fae was. Are they dangerous?
ReplyDeleteThe writing is very good.
This is one of my favorite topics, so yes, I'm hooked. I wondered about the name choice, too, but that only lends to the hook at this point. It might prove otherwise later on.
ReplyDeleteObviously, the MC knows Puck, and knows something bad is going to come from his visit.
Oh, I love this genre. Of course I want to read more!
ReplyDeletePS - And to dispel others' confusion - the MC is calling Puck a "trickster," I believe?
I would start with the second paragraph. I was unclear whether your narr. was passing INTO or OUT of the room at first.
ReplyDeleteGreat description of Puck, although I also wondered about the Shakespeare connection.