Monday, February 15, 2010

Entry 7


Outside the state hospital, the dead gathered.  They peered up at my caged window even when I chose not to look out.
“Tomlinson, Francis?”
I nodded and continued lacing my boots.
“Here are the medications the doctor ordered.  Now please remember to take them everyday so we don’t have another episode.  Ok?”
“Yes, I will.”  No, I won’t.
She ran a scanner over my wrist.  It beeped, confirming I was one of the watched.  Not everyone had chips in them, just a lucky few.
“This is your sixth time here, young lady.  How about we try not to make it a seventh?  You’re running out of chances to obey the directive.  Surgery is next.”
“But I like it here.”
The lanky woman handed me a paper bag of the possessions I’d had three days ago when the police dropped me off.  The carton of orange juice was ruined and all the items in my wallet had been removed and carefully put back.
“I’m sure you don’t.  The hallucinations should all be gone.  If you continue to take your medications you won’t be bothered by them again and neither will anyone else.  Do you understand?” 

I did, but it changed nothing.


  1. Definitely interesting. I'm wondering if the kid is seeing the hallucinations or making others see them as well.

  2. Good opening sentence and I really like the voice, especially where she's talking to the nurse and then we see what she's really thinking. I'd definitely want to keep reading.

  3. This is really good. I like the writing and am curious as to what is going on with this girl.

  4. Yep - I'm feeling this one. Good job!

  5. I'm hooked. Your entry is different than most of the others because it is easy to read and your sentences are broken up by starting with dialogue. Nice!

  6. Oh yea. This is a lovely set up.

    You had me at:

    "Yes, I will" No, I won't.

  7. Good hook, and I definitely like the dialog.
    Well written.

  8. Good opener. You gave us a lot of info. but left out enough to keep us reading.

  9. LOVE it! Hooked, definately.


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