Sunday, January 31, 2010



Dear Mystery Agent:

Seventeen-year-old Isis didn’t believe in magic until she accidentally uses it to save her life. Dane, a classmate, witnesses the display and pulls her into a battle between two societies who are fighting for control of the world. Isis learns that the strange things that happen around her and her crazy dreams aren’t signs of impending insanity, which is the line her mom’s been feeding her. But her mom had half the truth, if Isis doesn’t learn to control her powers, they’ll destroy her. Isis’ dreams actually mean that she is the dreamer with a power more potent than any other. She has the ability to control people by altering their subconscious while they sleep and the ability to see the future.

As Dane teaches Isis to control her powers she begins to fall for him. Isis is finally finding a place in a world where she never quite fit in—until Kalli, her cousin, shows up to convince her that she’s joined the wrong side. Now both sides want her and Isis doesn’t know whom to trust. As Isis pieces together the clues from her dreams she learns of an impending disaster planned by Kalli’s group.

Isis powers give her the ability to end the conflict and stop the killing once and for all, but she must choose between fighting for the good of all mankind or saving her cousin, a choice no ordinary girl should make. Good thing Isis is anything but ordinary.

DREAMING ISIS, a young adult fantasy novel is complete at 65,000 words. It will appeal to readers who loved the fast paced fun of the GHALLAGHER GIRL BOOKS as well as those who enjoyed the paranormal romance elements of TWILIGHT.

I am a graduate of Brigham Young University, where I studied to English teaching with a focus on young adult literature. I have been working as a freelance writer with a specialty in personal finance for five years. I am currently a member of SCBWI and I am actively involved in two critique groups. If you would like to consider DREAMING ISIS, I would be glad to send you the complete manuscript at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.



  1. This is a compelling story, but I think the query has too much going on. The writing could be a bit tighter. I think explaining the dreaming bit muddles the plot.

    The line about saving all of mankind or saving her cousin seems like an unreal conflict. It's a no-brainer; of course she chooses mankind. But I like the glib tone of 'a choice no ordinary girl should have to make'. Very cute. Can you change the language of the conflict? Maybe choosing family (her cousin) or the boy she loves/one who has made her feel special, whatever.

    There's a typo in the first sentence of your bio ('to' English).

    Good luck!

  2. Sounds like a good plot to me. I would read on.

    Good luck with it.

  3. This sounds like a fun story, but the query is on the long side and has a lot of information in it. Good luck!

  4. As you've read, the query is a little clunky. I think with some tightening you could have something here. Focus the query on the three essential questions: Who is the MC (what makes Isis different from other 17-year olds aside from the magic bit)? What does she want (as it stands a lot of the actions happen to her, she's not as active as she could be in the query)? And what stands in her way (how does the impending disaster stand in Isis' way of getting whatever it is she wants? right not the stakes are broad and vague)?

    Good luck with this!


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