Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Dear Agent,

Twelve-year-old Fiona Hartwell is obsessed with three things: fireflies, ghost hunting, and not dealing with her brother Troy's traumatic brain injury.

When Troy was hurt, the Hartwells moved to Fiona's aunt's inn, hoping that a handicap-ready room on the first floor would help with his recovery. Except Fiona wants nothing to do with Troy's recovery. She hates watching him learn to walk, learn to eat, learn to do everything. She just wants him to be her strong, older brother again. She escapes to the duck pond every day, ignoring Troy's requests to take him out with her, until a never-ending rainstorm traps her indoors.

She finds distraction and comfort in the ghost story she's made up about the inn. Soon, Fiona's sneaking out of her room each night to wander the halls, searching for the ghost girl she believes is trapped on the inaccessible third floor. She's heard that fireflies symbolize souls going to heaven, and Fiona wants to set this firefly free. But her choice to focus on the ghost instead of Troy might put both of them in danger.

FIREFLIES is a 30,000-word literary MG novel about a girl who wishes it was a paranormal novel instead. At your request, I'm prepared to send the completed manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.



  1. I like this very much. You go into a lot of detail, but I'm not certain that's a bad thing. The only word that jarred me was "Except" at the beginning of the sentence. I think it would flow smoother without that.

    And I'm especially fond of the last paragraph where you tell us your MC wishes it was a paranormal story. That's classic. I've never seen that approach before.

    You could tighten it up a bit, but I think it's a pretty solid start.

  2. I love this. There isn't much for me to add as you've done a good job. I agree with Michael though, I would remove the word 'Except' I don't think it's needed.

    Good luck with it.

  3. I really like this, especially the sentence at the end. Novel idea.

    I'm very curious as to why the third floor is inaccessible. Hmmm.

  4. This is pretty spectacular, and I'm not surprised because I think I know the author!

  5. Oh, this is awesome! Love it, and especially last part about the MC wishing it was a paranormal novel--lovely touch!


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