Friday, January 22, 2010


Title: Thaddeus Jackson: Hero/Villain
Genre: Crime Fiction

“My name is Thaddeus Jackson. Currently, I am robbing a bank."


  1. I like the title, though "Robbing a bank" isn't enough to hook me.

    I don;t want to be told what's happening. To show more action use a description of the small things he's doing such as pulling the mask over his face. breathing deeply before he burst into the room. Is he readying his gun, how does he feel and why is he robbing a bank?

  2. Brilliant! Drop the "currently" and you are gold! (And make it "I'm" instead of "I am".) I do agree with Karin on the whole, but I think for shock value you are okay. As long as you move into showing in the next paragraph I think this is great.

  3. Definitely got my attention. Not as enthused about the title (Hero/Villian part) as the hook.

  4. Don't like the title, but LOVE the first lines! Sparse, yet complete.


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