Sunday, January 31, 2010



Dear Mystery Agent:

Tequila always causes sixteen-year-old Thea Reed to throw up. But this is the first time it’s caused her to throw a man across a car park.

Thea learns that triple-distilling her brain and putting herself in danger kick-started her latent telekinetic abilities. If only she hadn’t started on the shots.

Sent to boarding school to learn control of her ability, Thea falls for a flirty mind reader, becomes the target of a deranged scientist and has to deal with her own personal demons. It’s no wonder she needs the support of her liquid crutch.

But when Thea’s father is kidnapped, she realises that tequila and abilities don’t mix. To rescue him she must face up to her responsibilities for once, even if the cost is her life.

PREDETERMINED is a Young Adult Urban Fantasy, complete at 78,000 words.

The story is set in the UK and I have firsthand experience of being an alcohol fuelled teen attending a stuffy English boarding school.

I recently attended the Backspace Agent/Author conference and I am an active member of SCBWI. A synopsis and the manuscript are available on request. Many thanks for taking the time to consider my work.



  1. This looks funny, and you've caught my interest. Too bad I'm not someone worth catching. ;)

  2. The fact that tequila always makes her throw up makes me wonder why she keeps drinking it, but that's just me. I'm not a drinker.

    "If only she hadn't started on the shots" made me wonder if she was talking about shots of tequila or some shots of a drug that gave her these powers.

    I've seen "deal with personal demons" in queries before, and it's a really vague description of those demons that has no meaning for the reader. What demons? We know nothing about them.

    How does the kidnap of her father relate to her alcohol abuse? It's stated as if the two are related, but you don't show the correlation. Did she try to save him but the tequila made her not clear-headed enough?

    I think you probably have an interesting story here with some contemp fantasy and real world issues combined. However, I think you need to show a little more in your query and be less vague.

    Hope this helps :)

  3. Hi there, I feel like you're leaving something really cool out of your query. It's tricky, knowing how to suggest what's going to happen without giving it away. Do give the agent more about what those personal demons are and some hints about why her father's been kidnapped (eg does he have powers too?) I like the references to the flirty mind reader and the deranged scientist. And I really liked your hook.

  4. I like the idea of the story, but like the others have said. I would add a little more about the father and why he's been kidnapped.

  5. I'm going to have to agree with the other commentators. Something feels missing from this. I think you need to add more plot to it. How is the alcohol messing with her abilities, why is it affecting her ability to get ot her father. Are they connected at all?

    Otherwise this does sound very interesting and I'd like to read more.


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