Monday, February 15, 2010

Entry 1

THE YELLOW NOTEBOOK

Considering the fact that I am scheduled to die tomorrow, some people think that my happiness at winning a contest is irrelevant.

Morons.

This wasn’t just any contest, this was the contest. Everything in my life was just building towards that one moment when I would finally be recognized for the genius I am. Now I have been recognized as such, so who cares if I’m about to be strapped onto a table, connected to an electrocardiogram, and injected with potassium chloride? The way I see things, I lived for this moment, so now that I’ve got it, I might as well die as live.

Of course, I never really planned things to happen like this. I never wanted to kill her. It wasn’t in the plan.

14 comments:

  1. Well, you've got me! What an opener. Question: Is the whole book a flashback?

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  2. I'm wondering about the flashback thing as well. This seems like a set-up for a long "life flashing before my eyes" kind of thing as the plunger drops. It's definitely hooky, but it skates the line of being a gimmick.

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  3. I liked it and would read on. I like the voice, so I'm hooked.

    Good job.

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  4. Good grief! That is a wild setup, and hooked me completely.

    One little nit - I would leave out the word "just" in the 2nd sentence of 3rd paragraph.

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  5. This is a very clever setup. A totally different take on the Death Row situation. Is the narrator insane? Or does he really feel that his life is complete?

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  6. Great opening line. Definitely a good hook

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  7. Love the concept, that hooks me. Something about the writing didn't flow very well for me in the third paragraph. But the concept is good enough to keep me reading, no question.

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  8. Good hook - maybe a little choppy in the
    third - concept interesting

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  9. You definitely hooked me! There's only one thing I'm uncertain about. You wrote, "The way I see things, I lived for this moment . . ." Does "this moment" refer to winning the contest or being strapped to the table about to die?

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  10. Definitely a strong hook. Though I agree with what others have said about the third paragraph feeling choppy. Feels like you're trying to cram too much information into such a small paragraph. In this case, I think a bit less would be more.

    I also agree with Josin in that it skates the line of being gimmiky. But the hook is definitely strong.

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  11. Interesting. I would like to know the story of why he's on death row and am assuming this will be a flashback.

    I might as well die as live. (Huh?)

    Overall, this is a wonderful voice and intriguing beginning.

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  12. Oh wow. I toally started reading this thinking you were talking about this contest. I am totally hooked.

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  13. Oh wow! I never thought I'd get that kind of response. Thanks, everyone! Actually, this is the opening to a short story I wrote for an online writing class I took about five years ago. Although the subject is kind of grim, it's actually a rather tongue-in-cheek story, because the narrator is both insane (quite obvious, I would think), and... a writer!
    Oh, and thanks for the critiques about the word "just" and the lack of flow in the 3rd paragraph. Much appreciated :)

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