Monday, February 15, 2010

Entry 19

REVENGE OF THE PINK GRANNY PANTIES

I walked into math class and scoped out the sub.

Easy prey.

What little life this loser had was about to get a whole lot worse.

Mrs. Billet, our math teacher, had finally had her kid and was home changing diapers for a month.  We were on our second sub of the week, and Foster F. Finkman made it his job to upset subs.

I was his partner in crime.

Mr. Thompson was the victim of a bad brown toupee.  It looked like Grunt, my guinea pig.  This teacher wannabe was somewhere between thirty and fifty, had braces and breath that would kill a camel.  I'd had him as a sub since kindergarten, and he hadn't changed a bit.  Except for the braces.

Toupee Thompson knew all of us at Harly Middle School by name.  It isn't a big school, since Harly, Oklahoma isn't a big town.  So when Camel Slayer noticed Finkman was new, the sub flashed a silvery smile and squeaked, "What's your name, young man?"

Finkman stood and squeaked back, "Foster Florentine Finkman.  And I hope you don't mind me asking, but is that your real hair?"

9 comments:

  1. ROFL --- I think I knew that kid in gradeschool!

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  2. This is my kind of story. I can certainly relate to Finkman. I’m hooked!

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  3. I really like the title! For some reason, the name Camel Slayer threw me off and I had to go back and read everything a second time.

    I'm hooked, though. This sounds like a lot of fun.

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  4. Ugh!

    Unless the narrator and this triple-F get their butts soundly kicked several times through the course of the novel ..... no, that is mean thinking.

    I do confess, it strikes close to home. I knew too many of these kids growing up. However, I think as a hook, this is just about as great as it can get. Not my Genre', but I can't imagine how a fan of the antihero wouldn't love this.

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  5. I really enjoy the voice, but I think the opening sentence could use a little something more to grab our attention.

    As a substitute teacher, I'm lucky that I know how to put kids like that in their place ;) but it's definitely easier with the younger crowd! heh

    I can see this story being a fun middle grade piece.

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  6. This is darling, and I would want to read on. Good job.

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  7. Love it! Love the title, too. I'm hooked!

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  8. Fun, thought the number of names threw me. When referred to directly, Mr. Thompson alone has 5 different labels throughout this piece. Some of them are just fine, but others I think you can just call him by his name and be done with it.

    But I do indeed remember the battles between kids and subs, so this is pretty good because it makes me think, "Uh oh, what are they gonna do?"

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  9. Hooked and it sounds good. I wouldn't read though.

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