Monday, April 12, 2010

Entry 14

Genre: YA

Living in the historic Hunt Country of Virginia, the secret daughter of the Archangel Michael doesn’t realize she inherited her father’s powers over the otherworldly prisons until a demon named Lilith manipulates those powers to stage a jailbreak. The next thing seventeen-year-old Michaela Bell knows, she is running for her life, falling into forbidden love with an enigmatic soul named Luke, and plunging heart-first into the world of the last Wind Walkers, beings like her father who are simultaneously archangels, gods, and the mythology behind all mythologies. At a magical construct called the Winter House, she discovers the truth about her father’s death and the demons he imprisoned, but defeating Lilith requires Michaela to control all her father’s powers. Failure means losing both Luke and her mother to the demon and unleashing chaos on humanity. Success almost certainly means sacrificing both her love and her life.

Being an immortal, Michaela discovers, pretty much completely sucks.

Complete at 76,000 words, THE WIND WALKER is likely to appeal to readers of Lauren Kate and Cassandra Clare, but the consolidation of archangels and biblical Watchers with classical mythology is a unique approach within the genre.

I am a full-time copywriter and a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. My fiction for children has been published in Ladybug, Highlights, Humpty Dumpty, and a number of parenting magazines.

I would be honored to have the Andrea Brown Literary Agency represent my work because I, too, believe in the five “P’s” of Publishing Success. Thank you for your time and consideration.


  1. The premise of this book is very good. I'm curious of how the mythology of gods is worked in with biblical legend. There seems to be a lot going on in the query letter though. Could be good in a way, personally I'm curious about what kind of immortal Luke is and I want to know more about the prison break, but some agents seem to like the blurbs more keyed to one point. Tons of different tastes, so this might work just fine for you. Best of luck!

  2. I think this starts out good, but then doesn't follow through. You have plenty more room to elaborate a bit on "seventeen-year-old Michaela Bell is running for her life, falling into forbidden love with an immortal named Luke, and plunging into the world of the last Wind Walkers" which I think is probably a good chunk of your story. I don't get enough of a feel for Michaela and her predicament to care about her in this query.

    The premise sounds very interesting, though. Good luck!

  3. I like the premise, like everything you said, but it was sometimes hard to follow all the clauses. I suggest a period after powers in the first sentence. Give us a pause to digest that great opening line. Then starting a new sentence explaining the powers and the jailbreak.

  4. Jamie Weiss ChiltonApril 28, 2010 at 7:07 AM

    There's a lot of information conveyed in this query, and the structure is great.

    I suggest breaking up a few of the long sentences in the first paragraph, to make the query easier to read quickly / scan. Agents and editors will be reading quickly, to get the gist of the story; long, complex sentences (like the one I'm writing now!) make it difficult to get bite sized pieces of information.

    I like the detail that Michaela lives in Virginia, but I'd rather see this later in the query. It's not the most important aspect of the story, so it doesn't need to be the first thing we read.

    I'd cut the sentence "Being an immortal, Michaela discovers, pretty much completely sucks" because it's a different tone from the first paragraph. I think the query is stronger without.

    Good use of your credentials, and I like the detail you've included about the 5 P's of Publishing Success. It shows me that you've attended conferences / learned about our agency.

    Nice job!


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