Monday, April 12, 2010

Entry 43

Genre: YA paranormal

Seventeen-year-old Keelie Liang never dreamed siding with the cool kids would lead to such deadly consequences. But when her friend, Aspen, washes up on the beach in a tangle of seaweed – she knows she’s party to blame. With Aspen gone, Keelie has to deal with her guilt, her insecurities and the fact she can never say sorry. Yet everything changes when a mysterious stranger crashes Aspen’s funeral.

If the stranger is telling the truth, Aspen is alive. He’s stuck in Styx – the land between life and death. Sounds far-fetched at first, but with the stranger’s supernatural abilities, Keelie can’t help but believe him. Now she must forge an agreement with underworld lord, Charonne, to set Aspen free.

But bargaining Styx-style isn’t easy. Sure Charonne agrees to release Aspen, but it comes with a hefty price tag: he wants the mysterious stranger’s soul. No soul means no deal, and an existence for Aspen trapped eternally between worlds. With her love for Aspen growing, Keelie is desperate to bring him home. But can she really condemn one to save another? And can the underworld kingpin really be trusted to return Aspen -- unchanged?

Set in coastal Australia, ICE CAROUSEL is an Orpheus and Eurydice-inspired YA paranormal romance, complete at 82,000 words. At its heart, it is about a girl finding her voice, without the need for a boy to boost her self-esteem. Thank you for your time and consideration.


  1. Interesting book premise. You need to make your hook at the beginning a little more clear. BEing party to blame is vague. Is she responsible for his death?

  2. I was drawn in right away. And I love the Styx reverence - I actually use it in one of my books too, using the River Styx actually. Love that mythology.

    Good luck!

  3. This is awesome! The only problem I had was trying to figure out how she was falling more in love with Aspen when he's trapped somewhere. Other than that, I'd love to see this published so I can buy it! Good luck!

  4. I think this is a very good query. Your MC has a major dilemma on her hands, no?

    I was just a tad confused about her being able to travel around in Styx, but I'm sure the book makes it all clear.

    Nice job.

  5. Fascinating premise. It's unclear why she's to blame for Aspen's death, though.

    It would be interesting to see how Aspen is alive, and what that means since his funeral is already taking place.

    Interesting indeed!

  6. I too liked this, a lot. But I had a little confusion. I wondered why the mysterious stranger would tell her about Aspen if the price of Aspen's release was the stranger's own soul. I'm guessing the stranger helped her get to Charonne. I'm thinking he's a good guy. I know you want him mysterious but I wanted to know a bit more.

  7. Jamie Weiss ChiltonMay 10, 2010 at 10:17 AM

    A high-stakes premise. I'd like to know more about Keelie and get a sense of her voice. There's no mention of potential "love" feelings for Aspen before the third paragraph, and I think you need to bring this in earlier.

    You could leave out the detail about Keelie siding with "the cool kids" since that description is a distanced, adult voice, and your other plot details are more important.

    Who is the stranger? How is he tied in?

    Nice job.


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