Dear Agent:
There is the Light…
There is the Dark…
And no one survives the Fade.
Three rules burned into every child of the Arclight from birth... until Marina stumbles out of the Dark very much alive and with no idea how she got there.
From the moment Marina arrives, the Fade cease to be the whispered rumor of decades past, and attack the Arclight every night after sundown. These assaults leave two choices: give them what they want or try and fight an enemy who can disappear into the background at will to strike without warning.
Marina's caught in the middle - a savior pariah. She finds an unexpected ally in Tobias - the son of a man killed bringing her to safety.. Together they search for the truth of her origin and survival, and instead discover that she may not be the cause of their troubles at all. The Fade seek the rescue of one of their own taken hostage, a boy no older than they are themselves.
Locating the prisoner means questioning everything they've ever been told about who and what the Fade are. Their journey takes them through layers of lies, and fear, and deceit all leading to one terrifying conclusion - Marina wasn't rescued from the darkness so much as she was stolen from it.
Arclight is an 80,000 word Young Adult novel. I've included the first pages in the body of this email and can send additional chapters, a synopsis, or the full manuscript on request.
Sincerely,
As Yoda says do, or do not, there is no try. It's a stall word and you don't need it here. great start with the 3 rules but the first paragraph is confusing. What attacks Arclight every night. (Don't need after sundown, redundant)
ReplyDeleteWho is left with 2 choices?
I do like the savior pariah line, but what is she caught in the middle of?
I agree with Jennifer. This book sounds really interesting, but the first paragraph really confused me. I'm not sure if the grammar is confusing or the words...I couldn't quite pin it down. Something to try would be to read it outloud and see how it sounds. Or have someone else you trust read it and give you advice.
ReplyDeleteI really like the rest of your letter, though. It lays out the plot very nicely without telling too much of the story. Bravo! Good luck in the contest.
The paragraph that starts with: 'From the moment' confused me and I had to read it three times. I still don't get it though. Maybe make that paragraph clearer and it will be perfect. The rest is great. I love the idea of the story. It has a great hook.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it.
This is very interesting. I like this and I already want to read more. That second paragraph (starting 'From the moment') was a bit confusing, like others I had to read it a couple times and a tired agent might give up, which you don't want! Try rewording it so that's it's clear who is attacking who and who wants what. I'm also not sure about the separate paragraphs for the beginning, it felt a bit jerky, but of course that's subjective! Sounds like a great story with some original concepts. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI also tripped over the "three rules" paragraph, especially because, of the three lines before it, only one sounds sort of like a rule.
ReplyDelete