Title: Confessio Nauticus
Genre: Historical Fiction
Iudila pounded on the door of the ship's hold. "Claudia. Anyone," he shouted, his voice shrill. His cries went unanswered, but still he beat his fists against the oak. The cramped space was lit only by the blood-orange glow of flames that licked at the timbers overhead. In the dancing half-light, the knotted planks of the door formed a sinister face that leered at the boy. Iudila reeled back, slipped and fell into the rising water. Rotten food and human waste floated about him. He spat out the tainted seawater that splashed into his mouth.
great imagery and setting. would read more based on the writing, though I'd the hook itself could be stronger.
ReplyDeleteHi, I really liked this, until I read the bit about human waste and then I was turned off. This is also a pet peeve of a lot of agents (see http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/Agents+Chapter+1+Pet+Peeves.aspx). Leave that bit out because you don't need it (yes, that's probably what happens if a ship goes down, but I don't need to know about it in the first paragraph), and then you'd have me hooked!
ReplyDeleteThe name of your character is a little tough. I stumble over how to pronounce it and whether the character is male or female. You have a wonderful way with description and I am invested in your story. I am definitely intrigued. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteAgree about the name. Blood-orange kind of gave me pause, and the waste line was vivid and I thought well done, if very gross. Great writing, I was there with you.
ReplyDelete