AMERAL - YA
Dear Mystery Agent:
Eighteen year-old Megan Harper doesn’t know it yet, but she has the power to look into someone’s eyes and see what they’re thinking quicker than they’ve even thought it. She can see what they’ve done and what they’ve forgotten - or tried to forget. The wizard Zender knows what she is and has colluded with the other wizards to keep Megan isolated and controlled in the castle Serenae since she was a little girl. A spell cast on the castle blocks Megan’s power and if Zender keeps her there long enough, her power will be his. When Zender manipulates Megan by making her his apprentice, she discovers that he is only pretending to teach her and tries to leave. Zender threatens to kill her if she ever does. Scared, but determined, Megan escapes.
But outside is dangerous. The wizards hold sway over the Trucenian King and control the Trucenian army. They lend their power to the Northern Emperor, allowing him to enslave the Northern people. Now everyone is after Megan: Zender, Trucenian soldiers, Northern assassins, even the criminals of the Ferra underground. On top of that she has to contend with a power that she never knew she had, and it's going to kill her unless she learns how to control it, fast. The only person she can trust is a Northern warrior named Darsk who hates the wizards for the slavery of his people. Megan is Ameral - the wizard’s sworn enemy and the only one with the power to end their tyranny - and they aren’t going to let her leave alive.
AMERAL is a 65,000 word young adult novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
Hi!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great query, in one of the genres I love. Fantasy. There's a lot of information you've given, and I think you can omit one or two things.
There points below particularly need clarification:
- How does Megan find out about her powers?
- How would her particular power kill her? [Because it isn't directly deadly. Would someone else kill her?]
- How would someone 'try to forget' something they've done?
- If Megan is locked in a castle, how can everyone be after her?
Good luck!
~ lvae
I know you've worked hard on this, but I fear it still needs some more work. But don't get discouraged - you'll get there.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I, personally, do not like queries that start off in the negative. By that I mean "she doesn't know it yet." I think you need to stress what she knows and what she's doing, instead.
Just my $0.02, and maybe the mystery agent has other ideas.
Good luck with this.
This story looks great. I love the name Ameral and I would definitely read a story like this one.
ReplyDeleteMaybe tighten up the last part of the first paragraph and leave out some of the information in the second. Otherwise this reads great.
Good luck with it.
This sounds like a fun story, but I'm overwhelmed with too much information. There are so many different factions mentioned all at once with strange names. Can you bring the focus to just Megan, the wizards and Darsk. Cutting out the additional names may help to make the entire story line stronger in the query.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!