Friday, January 22, 2010


Title: Revenge of the Pink Granny Panties
Genre: Middle Grade

I walked into first hour and scoped out the sub. Easy prey. I don't know what kind of life this guy didn't have, but it was about to get a whole lot worse.


  1. The title got me. Love it! I love the voice too. Great hook.

  2. What is first hour? This makes no sense to me.

  3. Maybe it should say first "period."

  4. I'm okay with first hour. That is a term used on both the east coast and in the midwest (places I've lived). What was difficult for me was all the negatives in the third sentence. I had to read it more than once to make sure I was understanding your meaning. For MG I think you will need to make it clearer and tighter. Kind of like: "This guy had no life, and it was about to get worse."
    I do like this. Good voice. I'd keep reading.


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