Dear Mystery Agent:
Eleven-year-old Tyson Driggs used to go on all kinds of adventures
with his best friend, from sledding to shooting at the range to prune
juice drinking contests. They had promised each other that they would
go up to Wyoming and kill a big seven-point elk this season, but when
one of their adventures lands them in trouble with the police, Tyson's
parents stick his best friend in a nursing home.
His best friend is his seventy-six-year-old gramps.
Everyone tells Tyson that his gramps has an overactive imagination and
a taste for danger... and that's exactly what Tyson loves about him.
In the nursing home, his gramps asks Tyson to go on one more adventure
together: bust him out of there so they can go kill that elk. But
when Tyson discovers the real reason he's in the nursing home, the
adventure turns risky for real. His gramp's health is failing, but
how can Tyson say no to his best friend?
GRIZZLY KID is a middle-grade novel complete at 40,000 words. The
complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for
your time.
Sincerely,
Ooh, this is good. I'm sure someone will have some input about how to improve this, but I don't. This sounds like the kind of story that hits close to home. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very well-written query, I think. I'm with Marice. I can't find anything wrong with it!
ReplyDeleteLove it! This is the sort of story I love reading. I can't find anything to add except to say it's perfect and to the point. Oh, maybe one thing - I don't like that it's much better than mine.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it.
I love the sound of this, and your query is pretty good. I just have a couple of concerns. The third paragraph seems a bit jumbled at first, and I'm wondering if it might be clearer if you move the first sentence of that para. to the one above. Then later in that paragraph you use the word "real" twice in one sentence. You might want to reconsider one of them.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this. I like it.
I got so caught up in the idea of the story, I forgot to crit your query. I think an agent will feel that way, too! Would love to read this touching story! Prune juice contest . . . fabulous!
ReplyDeleteThis is great! Sounds like a heart-warming story - nothing greater than a friendship across generations.
ReplyDeleteI think you can tighten it up just a bit and have a powerful letter. Some ideas (I've taken out the extra words you don't need):
"They promised each other they would
go to Wyoming and kill a big seven-point elk this season, but when one of their adventures lands them in trouble with the police, Tyson's
parents stick his best bud in a nursing home."
"In the nursing home, Gramps asks Tyson to go on one more adventure together: bust him so they can go kill that elk. But when Tyson discovers the reason Gramps's in the nursing home, the adventure turns risky for real."
You can also take out the line of manuscript available upon request. It's such a formal line compared to the rest of the letter's tone, and completely unnecessary. Agents are pretty sure you'll provide the mss on request. Otherwise, why would you be querying them?
Good luck!
Oops. Don't take the "out" after "bust him" like I accidentally did.
ReplyDeleteWell, I would love to read this and share it with my kids. Good luck with it!
ReplyDelete