Friday, January 22, 2010

ENTRY 34

Title: Paper Magic
Genre: Middle Grade

‘Spin me faster!’
‘It’s my turn on the swing…’
‘Race you to the top…’
‘Just once,’ Marina wishes. Tears well up in her eyes. She sits by her bedroom window looking out. The park is like a diorama, a miniature world of blue-gloss carnival glass, paper trees, and tiny play-dough children. Except, the park is real and she is the one trapped inside the box. Marina desperately wants to play in the park, to be like the other children. But she can’t.
She just can’t…

6 comments:

  1. very interesting. would keep reading.

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  2. Hi there, is this a book about autism? Or anxiety disorders in kids? If so - and the blurb on the back said so - I'd read this and give it to my kids to read - provided it ended up containing in the fictional setting some good strategies for kids to overcome this stuff. If that's the case, talk to OT's and psychologists and get your research done and you could have a really strong market for this.

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  3. Good images. If the present tense were changed to third person I think it would read better. I definitely felt for her and wanted to know her story.

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  4. I do like this. I would keep reading. Why can't Marina play? I feel for her. Nice description. I would like more voice. Maybe if it was in 1st person? I know that comes against what Michelle recommended. Try both. See what feels natural.

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  5. First person is a good idea, too. It's just the present tense telling that threw me a bit.

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  6. I'm not a fan of present tense at all, but I might suffer through it to keep reading. I love the bit about the park being a diorama.

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