Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Dear Agent,

Sixteen-year-old Haley is ready for true love--but Biology comes first.
When Haley decides to dissect a frog rather than stick to her beliefs
and have her grades suffer, the teacher deems a magical punishment.
With a sprinkle of eraser shavings, the teacher turns Haley into a
frog, and seals her fate: dissection.

Haley really can't explain to her sister why she wanders off each
evening and comes home, naked, reeking of swampy water. Haley can't
tell her almost-girlfriend, either, why she refuses to go on evening
dates, even though she desperately wants to. But she can't help
it--each day at four o' clock, Haley turns into a frog. Just like the
frog in the fairy tale, she's going to spend each night enchanted,
unless she can convince her frog-phobic princess to kiss her. Of
course, if the spell lasts too long, she's going to be the one on the
dissecting table.

SMOOCH is a young adult novel complete at 48,000 words. I would
be glad to send SMOOCH upon request. Thank you for your time.



  1. I LOVE THIS QUERY LETTER!! I really really want to read this book now. :) It catches my attention, holds it, and finishes up nicely.

    There are only a few things I would suggest. First, maybe put an "and" in between "naked" and "reeking". Then, your second sentence is a little confusing. The rest of the letter is uniform and very clear, but I don't understand what her compromised beliefs are, and why her teacher curses her.

    Other than that, this is lovely! Good luck!

  2. I think this story sounds very cute. The only suggestion I have for the query is that maybe the on-again-off-again nature of the spell could be introduced a little earlier, since it's confusing to go from the first paragraph where she's turned into a frog into the next, where it's implied that she's sometimes human.

  3. This sounds like a cute story, well told, but I'm a little turned off by all the things she can't do. I'd like to read about what she wants to do or is striving to do.

    I also wonder why the teacher would choose to do this, since she's cooperating and has decided to finish the assignment. I think we need some type of motivation for this.

  4. I agree with the above. Great query overall and sounds like a fun story, but the second sentence confuses me. I automatically assume her biology teacher creates the punishment, since that's the class being discussed, but why would this teacher curse her for doing what she's supposed to? You also don't need that comma between "home" and "naked."

    I've also seen many agents comment that there's no need to state "I'm happy to send my full manuscript." They assume you're happy to do this and say it's a waste of valuable word real estate.

    Good luck!


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