Dear Mystery Agent,
While sleep refreshes others, it leaves seventeen-year-old Samantha Sanders sick, confused, and lusting for a human-like monster who kills for pleasure. Awake, Sam discovers the nightmares are more than mere imagination. The deaths are real, and are happening too close to home to be coincidence.
Searching for answers, Sam turns to family friend, twenty-one-year-old Andrew Clearwater. When she learns they belong to an ancient line of Cherokee Protectors who fight monsters from legend, Sam must hone the skills she’s developed as a black-belt in order to aid in the battle. As they learn to work together, Sam and Andrew find there is more to fight than just monsters—their attraction to each other hinders their ability to fulfill their duties as Protectors and their capacity to rid Sam of the monster who stalks her dreams.
Though LEGEND OF THE PROTECTORS will appeal to the readers who love the romance in Twilight, it is not another vampire story. Loosely based on the Cherokee Legend The Stone Shield, this young adult urban fantasy is complete at 92,000 words.
I am an editorial freelancer. A registered Cherokee, I enjoy studying the history and legends of my people.
If you would like to consider my novel, I can be reached at...
Sincerely,
The story sounds great and has a great hook, but maybe change the first sentence. It wasn’t clear who the human-like creature is. Is it the person that is dreaming? Or the person who she’s dreaming about? Try and be a little clearer there.
ReplyDeleteI would also change the last sentence in the first paragraph. It read a little awkward. Here is a suggestion, but I know you’ll write it much better: Now their own families try to keep them apart. Or: Now they have family members, trying to keep them apart.
Oh, and don’t forget to add the thank you at the bottom and add that your manuscript is available upon request, but you know that.
Good luck with your fantastic story.
his definately got me wanting to read more. The referance to Twilight didn't bother me either. It fit well with the overall letter.
ReplyDeleteHowever, i agree with Trish. The last sentence in the first paragraph is confusing. What is their family? The protectors? Why, if they're in love, must they keep themselves apart? Or are they keeping someone else apart? it's very confusing.
Hope that helps. Good luck!