Friday, January 22, 2010


Title: Razor’s Edge
Genre: Romance

The display on his pager said 187. Homicide. They’re playing my song. He struggled to pull his arm out from under the blonde he picked up at the bar. At one point he thought she looked like a model, now, squinting at her in the dim room he revised his opinion. She looked closer to a lonely college kid hiding behind heavy eyeliner, purple nail polish and a bad attitude. At least she hadn’t colored her long blond hair an unnatural shade of black. God, I’ve got to stop drinking.


  1. Great hook. Good descriptions and I like the male character.

    the only thing I would do different is make the "God, I've got to stop drinking." a thought.

  2. I like this opening too. It gives me lots of
    ideas as to how it will proceed.

    Suzi Ambrose

  3. I'm a sucker for stuff like this. I would simply show his thoughts - "They're playing my song" and "God, I've got to stop drinking" as italics or set them off some other way in the text. Otherwise I love it. Great snark.

  4. I second jennbailey. Very, very well done.


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