TEMPEST'S CURSE - YA
Dear Mystery Agent:
Sixteen-year-old Janelle never thinks the gray spiral birthmark on her arm means anything until she rides out a hurricane in her new Florida home. As the storm dies, a teenage boy with the same mark appears out of thin air. But all he tells her is his name, Gary, before running away.
Soon, Janelle begins hearing a roar in her head whenever she’s near the ocean and her strength grows until she can rip doors off their hinges. Desperate for answers, she finds Gary and squeezes the truth from him. She bears the mark of a Tempest, someone who can turn into a hurricane by touching the ocean. By law, they must become storms once in their lives to keep the world’s weather in balance.
Janelle’s terrified to learn that that she’s next in line to fulfill her Tempest duty. She confronts her dad with the truth, only to find that he’ll make her obey the law and transform. But she’s not crazy about killing people, even by accident, so she goes on the run.
It’s not long before the human-hating Tempest leader kidnaps her. Janelle then hears that she’s the strongest Tempest alive and will be brainwashed to destroy a major city. Now trapped in a plot to hold the world ransom, she must use the power she fears most to escape.
TEMPEST’S CURSE is a 65,000 word young adult fantasy. I look forward to hearing from you and thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The story is intriguing and fresh, but I feel this query may be a bit more of a synopsis. I just know you can get more voice and punch into it!
ReplyDeletePerhaps join the middle two paragraphs and don't mention the dad. I like the first and the last paragraph, but feel the middle is very wordy.
Best of luck
This is an interesting story idea. A lot of the different aspects intrigue. I'd like to know more about the voice of the main character in the novel, but I'd definitely read it. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWith a little tweaking, this would be a great query. I love the idea of someone turning into a storm. It sure is different and a good hook.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Very interesting concept you've got here. I like how you bring a natural event into someone's lfe that is actually PART of their life. What a great angle! Yes, this would make a great query, with a little (very little) work to polish it up a bit more.
ReplyDeleteGodd luck with this, I think you may have a winner here!