Monday, January 25, 2010

Entry 12

Title: Immortal Mafia: Daddy’s Little Girl
Genre: Fantasy Action Adventure

If you would have asked me three weeks ago how I pictured my life ending it sure the hell wouldn’t have been like this. Did I picture the Hollywood ending where I go down in a blaze of glory, guns blazing and nearly every bullet shot at me misses so I can take out half of their forces? No. The Bollywood ending where everyone’s dancing and singing on a subway platform spinning around with the girl in my arms? No. A wooden stake to the heart? Sure why not, it seems like a good way for a vampire to go.

1 comment:

  1. Great and humorous beginning. My only problem is the first line is a little cliche. The style is lighter than usual, but the idea is worn. Second sentence can be tightened (i.e., blaze/blazing, "every bullet misses"). The last sentence is the absolute best. It tells us he's a vampire, so we know the MC a little more, and we also know he didn't die by a stake. So how did he? There's your nice hook. :-) Good job! Best of luck!


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