Dear Agent,
Vicious, omniverous creatures are infesting the Eden Peninsula, and they’re hungry! The first encounter involved a little boy called Sammy, whose finger was bitten off by one of the creatures while playing in his garden. No-one else has seen them and lived to tell the tale. Panic spreads as grotesque killings escalate uncontrollably, and the Peninsula is to be firebombed to prevent the spread of the menace to mainland Australia. Sammy’s teenage sister Sorrel, with her friends and her dog Angus, believe they have found a means of eradicating the plague. They stow away on the Peninsula after it has been evacuated. Through many adventures, their theory is proven and the Peninsula is saved.
That’s the story of “Sorrel and the Green Menace,” a young adult novel of 83,250 words, the first in a trilogy.
I’ve won half a dozen awards for speculative short stories. Now I have started to submit for publication, with two acceptances so far in anthologies, notably “Festive Fear” by Tasmaniac publications celebrating the horror that is Christmas - I love a nice bit of horror. I review for the monthly newsletter Aurealis Online, a flagship Australian SF&F magazine, and this year I’ll be doing a review column for the print Aurealis as well.
I’d be happy to send a partial or full copy of “Sorrel” if required.
Thanks!
Hi, this sounds great and I would love to read this. Here's my suggestions on what I'd like to see if I were an agent.
ReplyDeleteVicious, omniverous creatures are infesting the Eden Peninsula, and they’re hungry!
The first encounter involved a little boy called Sammy, whose finger was bitten off by one of the creatures while playing in his garden. No one else has seen them and lived to tell the tale. Panic spreads as grotesque killings escalate uncontrollably, and the Peninsula is to be firebombed to prevent the spread of the menace to mainland Australia. Sammy’s teenage sister Sorrel, with her friends and her dog Angus, believe they have found a means of eradicating the plague and stow away on the Peninsula after it has been evacuated. Now they have to rush against time to save their Peninsula and themselves.
“Sorrel and the Green Menace,” is a young adult novel complete at 83,250 words.
I’ve won half a dozen awards for speculative short stories (You need to list them, so they can verify this.). I also have two acceptances in anthologies: “Festive Fear” by Tasmaniac publications(what's the other one). I review for the monthly newsletter Aurealis Online, a flagship Australian SF&F magazine, and this year I’ll be doing a review column for the print Aurealis as well.
Thank you for your time I hope to hear from you soon.
Otherwise, like I said, this sounds good. Good Luck!
I thought this query was well written. I think you have ticked all the boxes and there's not much for me to add except to suggest you put a space between your paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it.
I don't have anything to add other than I would say the little boy is named Sammy, not a little boy called Sammy.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a really creepy book!
So...I agree that the book sounds interesting. There were a few things that stood out to me, though. The first was the final sentence of your book desription. It is understood that they will have tons of adventures in order to save the day. That doesn't really need to be said.
ReplyDelete"That's the story of..." doesn't sound professional. If you take that out and say something like "Sorrell and the Green Menace is a young adult novel of ___ words" it will sound much better. Don't include the trilogy information. If the agent likes "Sorrell" and decides to represent you, then you can definately let them know it's in a trilogy.
Remember that this is a business letter. You aren't trying to chat the agent up. You're trying to sell your book. I know it's tempting to lighten the mood, but you don't want to do that. It comes off (unfortunately) as a lack of confidence. If you are straight forward and serious, it comes off much much better. In the credentials, only mention your (not self-published) published works that are relevant to the MS.
I hope this helps. :)
P.S. "Sorell" itself is a great title. "Sorrell and the Green Menace" makes me think of Scooby-doo... Anyway, good luck! I love the book idea.