Title: The Two Faces of Hel
Genre: Historical Fantasy
The world burned. From horizon to horizon, flames licked against an immense darkness. Black against black, the great wolves that had devoured the sun and moon stalked across the sky, their fur limned red from leaping fire. The earth shook with the steps of the great fire giant Surt as he wielded his sword against dying Midgard.
This is a great opening. I would definitely read on. I want to know who Midgard is.
ReplyDeleteThe sentence, "Black against black' confused me a little. The flames are not black, but the sky is.
It's a wonderful opening though. I love it.
I like this opening. The visuals are striking, although I'd like more sensory descriptions (smells, sounds) to engage me fully. (But I understand that 100 words is a short burst to include everything.) At this point, I don't know whether burning the world is a good thing or not, but I'm willing to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteVivid, visual images. Definitely provoked my curiosity. I was confused by the black on black line as well. But I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI could almost smell the brimstone. My mental image may be wrong, but the black on black to me is the shape of the wolves in relief against the now blackened sky.
ReplyDeleteI think the "black on black" statement works fine, but I almost wonder if you should put it in the middle of the sentence somehow so that the reader if perfectly clear that you're talking about the wolves' fur against the dark, moonless, sunless sky.
ReplyDelete"The world burned" is a great opener. It hooks you right from the get-go. I think this paragraph as a whole is very strong. It gives you just enough information to get a small grasp on what's going on, and enough to make you hungry for more.
While I agree with Gayle that more sensory details besides sight would be nice, I think it depends on your narrator. If your narrator would be able to feel the immense heat of the smile, or smell the stench of the burning earth, or taste the smoke in the air, or hear the crackling of the flames, that would be something great to include here. However, I think it works find the way it is. Those senses can be included in the next paragraph.
Overall, fantastic job. :)
This grabbed me from the first three sentences. Very nice visual picture, and even though you didn't give a lot of other sensory details, I got them. I could feel the intense heat, and at the same time have chills from the evil of the "black on black". I have nothing to criticize here. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely keep reading. It is strongly visual and feels powerful. My only problem, I don't know who I should be connecting to - the wolves, the fire giant Surt or Midgard which I believe to be a place, not a person. I am willing to wait for those answers, so Bravo.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm out of the running, I want to thank everyone who left comments! You've given me some great insights into how I can improve the hook and even the rest of the novel. And thank you for the encouragement as well :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with "black against black" and that this is a captivating opening. Well done.
ReplyDeleteExcellent opening! Very vivid and foreboding! I'd definitely keep reading!
ReplyDelete