I love this and I would definitely read on. I'm such a nosey person. I would read that letter for sure. Teehee. I can't wait to read more of your posts and I already want to buy the book. Great stuff!
Definitely want to know what's in that letter. Maybe it's just me, but throwing the "envelope" away confused me a bit. Could the "letter" be thrown away? Just a thought. Good opener.
I'm not usually a fan of sparse openers. It's hard to make any sort of judgment on only two sentences.
I might suggest having some sort of reaction to what the narrator found in the envelope in there somewhere, because as it is, there's nothing that really grabs me and makes me want to keep reading. If the narrator made a mention of why they opened the letter or why they're glad they did, it might invoke more curiosity.
As I've said, I'm not usually a fan of sparse openings. That's just my personal preference. But I've got to say, for just two sentences, you've done a very good job of making the best of them.
Feels like a chick lit opening more than a fantasy one - I think it's the word "roommate". The hint about your MC's personality would keep me reading though.
It's not necessary but I think I'd like some way to guess gender soon. I think your MC's female but I've been known to be wrong before!
I like the beginning sentence, but, like another poster, the use of the word "envelope" stopped the flow for me in the second sentence. My mind had to process the letter being in the envelope, then being tossed, etc. But I'd be interested in what was in that letter.
I am intrigued. Not only do we, the reader, learn something about this character, but she learns something about herself in the first sentence. And I realize I'm assuming a female protagonist here. The second sentence is not as powerful to me. There needs to be a Reason behind her action unless she is a person who just digs through trash. Tell me why she has done this, because most of us don't. Was her roommate furious? Scared? And why "my roommate"? Give me a person to think about, not a description. I would keep reading.
I love this and I would definitely read on. I'm such a nosey person. I would read that letter for sure. Teehee. I can't wait to read more of your posts and I already want to buy the book. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely want to know what's in that letter. Maybe it's just me, but throwing the "envelope" away confused me a bit. Could the "letter" be thrown away? Just a thought. Good opener.
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that in just two sentences you've already revealed a bit about the protag's personality and introduced a puzzle. Makes me want more.
ReplyDeleteI'm not usually a fan of sparse openers. It's hard to make any sort of judgment on only two sentences.
ReplyDeleteI might suggest having some sort of reaction to what the narrator found in the envelope in there somewhere, because as it is, there's nothing that really grabs me and makes me want to keep reading. If the narrator made a mention of why they opened the letter or why they're glad they did, it might invoke more curiosity.
As I've said, I'm not usually a fan of sparse openings. That's just my personal preference. But I've got to say, for just two sentences, you've done a very good job of making the best of them.
Feels like a chick lit opening more than a fantasy one - I think it's the word "roommate". The hint about your MC's personality would keep me reading though.
ReplyDeleteIt's not necessary but I think I'd like some way to guess gender soon. I think your MC's female but I've been known to be wrong before!
This evokes mystery right from the beginning. First person POV lends to the immediacy. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI like the beginning sentence, but, like another poster, the use of the word "envelope" stopped the flow for me in the second sentence. My mind had to process the letter being in the envelope, then being tossed, etc. But I'd be interested in what was in that letter.
ReplyDeleteI am intrigued. Not only do we, the reader, learn something about this character, but she learns something about herself in the first sentence. And I realize I'm assuming a female protagonist here. The second sentence is not as powerful to me. There needs to be a Reason behind her action unless she is a person who just digs through trash. Tell me why she has done this, because most of us don't. Was her roommate furious? Scared? And why "my roommate"? Give me a person to think about, not a description. I would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteThis is my fav so far. I love the fact that it opens with clever humor. :)
ReplyDeleteOh man...I'd totally read on. Like others, I like the fact it opens with humor. Well done.
ReplyDelete