Title: Listen
Genre: YA contemporary
I suck. I. Suck. But what am I supposed to do? The bomb isn’t heavy. It should be heavy, or smell, or something. Everyone should be able to tell I’ve got it, right here in my backpack, covered over by an ugly old sweater. But no one’s stopped me, no one’s searched me, no one’s noticed my damp jeans, my palms slick with sweat.
This is good and well written, but I don't like the first two sentences. I have a thing about books that start with 'I suck' I've seen many manuscripts starting that way too.
ReplyDeleteI would read on though to find out why he has a bomb.
hmm...catchy. Definately leaves me wanting to know more. Bravo
ReplyDeleteI like everything aside from, "I suck. I. Suck. But what am I supposed to do?" Everything else is crisp and smooth, and it definitely makes me want to keep reading. It's fascinating. Fantastic job.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read any books that start out with 'I suck', but I haven't read any YA, either. This makes me want to read on and I liked it.
ReplyDeleteDitto the above. The rest of the writing is good, and I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI, too, would kill the "I suck." There's just so many other options.
ReplyDeleteI like this, and think it's a good premise so far, but I don't quite get the comment about the damp jeans. For some reason, I wondered if the MC was so nervous he/she had an incident.
I do like this. I would keep reading but you've asked me to suspend my disbelief a little too early. Someone would notice damp jeans if they are damp for the reasons you seem to suggest. Denim hides a lot, but not odor. I'm not sure the "I suck" fits in with the rest of the paragraph but it does draw attention.
ReplyDeleteI like everything from the fourth sentence on. It feels real, in a frightening way. Good job.
ReplyDeleteVery intrigued. In my top picks of favs. So want to read more!
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