Friday, January 22, 2010


Title: High Bid
Genre: Short Story

I wondered how Daddy could sell me to somebody else’s family. I was a good helper to Mama around the house and helped her put out wash for Miss Crabtree. When I was twelve, Mama let me work for Miss Cain. She hired me to keep house for her one day a week and paid me a dollar and a quarter every Friday. I gave Mama and Daddy the dollar and kept the quarter for myself. When I turned thirteen, she gave me a dollar raise, which I still gave to Mama and Daddy. I guess this didn’t beat Richard’s offer.


  1. This is very intriguing, but the first sentence is a little generic and a little drab. The last sentence sounds bitter, but the first sentence sounds like the narrator is idly wondering and has no negative feelings about her situation.

  2. I really liked this. Maybe at the end of the last sentence you could describe who Richard is. Is he the local butcher? Or a teacher.

  3. This is intriguing. You might consider starting with, "How could Daddy sell me to somebody ele's family?" I would also like a little more setting. But good work here.

  4. I agree with Michelle's comments. You are giving us details, but not the ones that seem important. Do we need to know her age? Do we need to know about Friday? Try tightening it up a bit and see what you think. The last sentence is the most interesting to me and the one with the strongest voice.

  5. I like the voice in this - a definite old-fashioned feel to it. But the first sentence doesn't seem right. Just the way she says "somebody else's family". Seems too wordy for what she might be feeling. Seems her thoughts would come out in short, jerky ideas rather than such a complete descriptive phrase.

    Maybe you need to play around with it a bit and see what other ideas you come up with. Or maybe I'm being presumptuous and you've already done that.

    Overall, I like it.

  6. Strong voice - I love it.

    I know the other commenters think it needs tightening, but I actually like these little details. It reads much like a kid's voice would - wandering, a little worried and confused. Great job.


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