I really, really like it, just not so much the wording. If you started with "while" other girls etc., it would make more sense. Or when other girls were dreaming, etc.
I just didn't like "when" for the first word. It didn't work for me.
But I definitely want to know how this progresses.
Me too. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this. I would keep reading, 100%.
What she said. Love it.
ReplyDeletewould SOOOO keep reading this. GREAT hook!
ReplyDeleteHooked! Love it!
ReplyDeleteFantastic! Would love to read more.
ReplyDeleteGreat hook. Could you just post a comment when this is over and tell us why? :) Like the title, too.
ReplyDeleteI will indeed Michelle. :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice! It is a bit long, but I don't know what I'd take out. Maybe the ages. Not sure you need that here. Otherwise, nicely done.
ReplyDeleteOh, I hate to be a party pooper, BUT -
ReplyDeleteI really, really like it, just not so much the wording. If you started with "while" other girls etc., it would make more sense. Or when other girls were dreaming, etc.
I just didn't like "when" for the first word. It didn't work for me.
But I definitely want to know how this progresses.
I really like this. It lets me know right away that this is not your normal princess story.
ReplyDeleteGreat hook. Would definitely keep reading! Might consider changing the "when" to "while".
ReplyDeleteOk, now that the contest is over, for those wondering about this first line, go to http://altrambles.blogspot.com to continue reading a tiny bit.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator made a wish...it came true...and years later it's about to start haunting her...