Title: Bipolar for Dummies
Genre: General Fiction
Mara can’t believe Katie has given her a book titled ‘Bipolar for Dummies’. She’d bought if for herself and then thought Mara might find it ‘useful’. She has ‘usefully’ turned down pages and underlined sections she thinks Mara should read. Mara wonders if there is anywhere she can write to complain about the title, and the putrid yellow cover that is enough to set anyone off on an episode.
I really love this. The title is a great hook. I think with a bit more showing instead of telling it will be a best seller. I would buy a book like this one for sure.
ReplyDeleteI love it, but I can’t help editing it. I hope you don’t mind. This is just a suggestion. I know you will write it much better though. I probably have the wrong tense too.
Mara tossed the book in the bin and pursed her lips. Why had her friend, Katie given her a book titled, Bipolar for Dummies? Kate had bought it for herself, so why had she thought to pass it to Mara? She’d even turned down pages and underlined sections she thought Mara should read. What a nerve. Mara’s heart thumped with anger. She’d find someone to write to and complain about that title and the putrid yellow cover. That alone is enough to send anyone off on an episode.
I like it, but I'm a little thrown off by it. I believe it's because of the combination of 3rd person and present tense. I'm used to seeing 1st person present tense. But hey, if you can pull it off for an entire book, more power to you. (because I certainly can't!)
ReplyDeleteI like the title (though I'd consider making it "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies"). The opening definitely drew me in, but the tense and person are awkward. I'd go with the first person present or third person limited. Third person present is too confusing.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading, but probably give up soon because of the tense.
I'm going to be honest: I could barely make it through just this one paragraph in this tense. It's extremely awkward and hard to follow.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I think the story could be interesting. I strongly suggest you consider switching tenses.
Great title, but I have to agree with Carly. It felt like reading a synopsis or pitch in third person. I'm sure you meant it for effect, but the effect on me wasn't the right one. It's a good idea, though. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very difficult tense. Try it 1st person. It gets confusing who is doing what and the "useful" gets tiring. I like your concept and love the title.
ReplyDelete