Title: Break My Heart
Genre: Christian Women's Fiction
I never cared much for Christians when I was a kid. It seemed to me no one in my hometown did, except the Christians themselves. Milla said they meant well just had things twisted up a bit, but Mama would talk a blue streak about the folks down at the church. And once she got started, she could carry-on for quite a while. When I was very young, I didn’t know why she was so dead set against them, but as I grew older I came to understand her much better.
This is interesting. It starts out catchy, and I wonder what she's referring to, but I think there needs to be a little more hook to it.
ReplyDeleteThis feels sort of forced, like the main character is too concerned with getting us to like her.
ReplyDeleteI might finish the first page, but I'm not drawn in.
I don't get the impression at all that the narrator is trying to get us to like her. If anything, she seems almost apologetic or embarrassed.
ReplyDeleteOne thing, though, there should be a comma here: "Milla said they meant well, just had things twisted up a bit..."
I can't say that I'm hooked just yet, but I'm intrigued enough to read on to the next paragraph to see if it catches me and holds onto me.
I like the first line. The voice is coming through, I would just like a little more setting. If you could tweak that last line a little to bait our curiosity a bit more . . . I'd read on to see why.
ReplyDeleteI quite like this and loved the voice, but I think it needs more of a hook in the first paragraph. I would read on to see what happened next though.
ReplyDeleteYou are telling me a lot. Can you show me some of this? Mama talks a blue streak, but what does she say? The Christians mean well, but are twisted up - an example, perhaps? We probably don't need this background. Remember, start you novel at the last possible moment. You do have me interested.
ReplyDelete