Friday, January 22, 2010


Title: Break My Heart
Genre: Christian Women's Fiction

I never cared much for Christians when I was a kid. It seemed to me no one in my hometown did, except the Christians themselves. Milla said they meant well just had things twisted up a bit, but Mama would talk a blue streak about the folks down at the church. And once she got started, she could carry-on for quite a while. When I was very young, I didn’t know why she was so dead set against them, but as I grew older I came to understand her much better.


  1. This is interesting. It starts out catchy, and I wonder what she's referring to, but I think there needs to be a little more hook to it.

  2. This feels sort of forced, like the main character is too concerned with getting us to like her.

    I might finish the first page, but I'm not drawn in.

  3. I don't get the impression at all that the narrator is trying to get us to like her. If anything, she seems almost apologetic or embarrassed.

    One thing, though, there should be a comma here: "Milla said they meant well, just had things twisted up a bit..."

    I can't say that I'm hooked just yet, but I'm intrigued enough to read on to the next paragraph to see if it catches me and holds onto me.

  4. I like the first line. The voice is coming through, I would just like a little more setting. If you could tweak that last line a little to bait our curiosity a bit more . . . I'd read on to see why.

  5. I quite like this and loved the voice, but I think it needs more of a hook in the first paragraph. I would read on to see what happened next though.

  6. You are telling me a lot. Can you show me some of this? Mama talks a blue streak, but what does she say? The Christians mean well, but are twisted up - an example, perhaps? We probably don't need this background. Remember, start you novel at the last possible moment. You do have me interested.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.