Title: Through Charlotte’s Eyes
Genre: YA historical
As I scurried down the narrow Parisian sidewalk, I saw my mother by my side, clipping along in her high heels, her lips a bright red, her hair pulled back in a severe bun--but then the image of her disintegrated as I turned the corner at Rue Benjamin Delessert. Reality closed in as the wind pulled at my pink scarf, almost pulling it away from my neck. Mom had been dead for 10 years now.
What a great opening. I really like how much of an image you created in so few words. I would definitely keep reading, and probably at a rapid pace.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Strong imagery, clear voice.
ReplyDeleteI'd definitely keep reading.
Instantly felt the scene and emotion. Nice language, especially the last bit about the scarf. Good writing.
ReplyDeleteStunning. Simple and to the point, but still beautiful. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI liked this, it's well written and would read on. Sounds like a ghost story. Great.
ReplyDeletelove the setting and imagery, but the last line bothered me. It seems to tell and not show. You could set the scene more so that we are shown that she is a ghost, "she faded away," etc rather than just telling us that she's been dead for 10 years. Otherwise great writing.
ReplyDeleteOh I love this one. I want to read more!
ReplyDeleteMaking that first, long sentence a bunch of short sentences would give the reader a stronger sense of the fast pace. And the clipping heels. Try it and see what you think. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this and would read on.
ReplyDelete