Title: The Glass Mystery
Genre: Murder Mystery
I won’t be able to read these words in the morning. Numerous shots of vodka have done little to steady my hand, although my thoughts have been pleasantly seduced. A dinner party with the leader of Russia, my favorite liquor induced fantasy, is begging for center stage on the outskirts of consciousness. I toy with it, placing the imaginary call to my housekeeper who’ll run over to Dorogomilovsky Market with the list of ingredients for the first course.
Great writing. I'm wondering why he'd wish to cook for the Russian leader. I would read on to find out if he liked or hated him.
ReplyDeleteI like the first sentence, and the idea of a writer admitting that he is too drunk to actually be writing. But the dinner party threw me - I had to read the last two sentences twice before I understood what was being said.
ReplyDeleteReally like the opening sentence. I had to read it a couple of times to get the complete gist. The writing is very good, with lots of layers.
ReplyDeleteI like the first line, but the second put me off. "Numerous shots of vodka" reads as pretentious to me, which sent up red flags about your character. I'd keep reading to see if there's something likeable/relatable, but I'm not totally drawn in.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very intriguing opening, though I think it needs a little cleaning up to make it clearer. It's awfully muddled and busy. However, on second thought, maybe that's what you were going for. The narrator is, at his own admission, too drunk to even write legibly.
ReplyDeleteI do very much like the first two sentences. They're clear and concise, and they're just catchy. They grabbed me.
The next two, not as much. I wonder if a drunk man would really have enough control of his faculties to be so eloquent. Granted, it wouldn't be advisable to write in muddled, unintelligible drunk-babble, either. That's the tough thing about having a drunk narrator.
It does, however, make me a little bit curious as to why he dreams about hosting the Russian leader. (Would he call him the leader of Russia? Is he talking about the President [head of state] or the Prime Minister? [head of government] Russia doesn't technically have one true leader. Also, the title of the Russian leader would give us some idea of the time in which your story takes place.) It also makes me curious how he feels about said leader: if he plans to pull out all the stops and treat him to the finest of dining, or if he plans to poison him.
It's definitely a good starting point. It needs a little polish, but it's a good start. Good job.
I enjoyed this and would definitely read on. It makes me wonder how the character will develop, and if he is involved in the potential murder.
ReplyDeleteI'm really not sure what is going on here. It's rather muddied. The only thing I am sure of is that we have an unrealiable narrator because he is drunk. Do I want to invest my time in someone who is unreliable? I need more of a way in to the scene and the character. However, I would like to know what the first course entails.
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