Title: Filbert's Mindrooms
Genre: Literary
See, doctor? That fisherman hosing down wooden slats, with moonlight painting them? I’m not certain you’re able to see though, or even speak at all. I’ll have to describe for you. Over there, a knife-sharpener touches an oilstone, engraining oil in whorls on his thumb. Spectators huddle and blink at the wind.
I didn't understand the first sentence here. 'See, doctor?' Is someone thinking this? I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is good, but I don't get what's going on.
The language is very vivid. I get the scene described, just not the setting of the speaker. That may be what you intended. Is this all inner dialogue, since there are no quotations? I especially like the image invoked by the last line.
ReplyDeleteyeah not sure what was going on... didn;t understand the setting...
ReplyDeleteLovely wording, but I'm a little confused. It feels as if two paragraphs have been jammed together.
ReplyDeleteSome acknowledgment of the doctor's response, even just "silence", would help me get a better grip.
I'd keep reading but more for the prose than the story just now.
The language is beautiful and poetic, and evokes a great amount of imagery. However, I don't see how the doctor, the wooden slats, and the knife-sharpener fit together in one paragraph. There's nothing connecting them but the narrator.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Peta. I'd read on more for the beauty of the prose than the story just now.
Lovely writing, but confusing at the same time. However it's the kind of confusing that makes you want to read on to make some sense of it all. I'm wondering if that is intentional?
ReplyDeleteI am confused. I find the setting difficult to picture and would like for more of my senses to be involved. Great last sentence. Maybe it could be your first.
ReplyDelete