The title is intriguing. I'm interested to know whether other characters will not be human, since this seems to be a point in the opening. It's a little cliche sounding to me, but it may be perfectly appropriate, not having more to go on. I would read more to see what would prompt such statements.
I like this, and I understand why you've put the three sentences together (especially for a first paragraph competition) but I think it'd be a lot stronger if each sentence was stand alone:
I am tough. I am strong. I am human.
This draws attention to the emphasis, helping to build tension. It also sets up a nice beat.
I'm just going to say that I agree with all three comments above. The title is intriguing, the sentences do build a sort of tension that I'd read on to relieve, and I definitely agree that having each be their own paragraph would be much better.
Though, I do wonder if a word other than "tough" would work better. What sort of tough are you talking about? Physically? Mentally? It's such a blah sort of word. Maybe go for something more specific.
Not sure if this is enough to hook me. I would need to know more in the first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI love the title though. That's a great hook.
The title is intriguing. I'm interested to know whether other characters will not be human, since this seems to be a point in the opening. It's a little cliche sounding to me, but it may be perfectly appropriate, not having more to go on. I would read more to see what would prompt such statements.
ReplyDeleteI like this, and I understand why you've put the three sentences together (especially for a first paragraph competition) but I think it'd be a lot stronger if each sentence was stand alone:
ReplyDeleteI am tough.
I am strong.
I am human.
This draws attention to the emphasis, helping to build tension. It also sets up a nice beat.
Definitely keep reading.
I'm just going to say that I agree with all three comments above. The title is intriguing, the sentences do build a sort of tension that I'd read on to relieve, and I definitely agree that having each be their own paragraph would be much better.
ReplyDeleteThough, I do wonder if a word other than "tough" would work better. What sort of tough are you talking about? Physically? Mentally? It's such a blah sort of word. Maybe go for something more specific.
Don't tell me. Show me.
ReplyDeleteAh...I wish I could put more of my story in here. :P I'm glad it was somewhat catching.
ReplyDelete