Title: Retribution
Genre: Paranormal Fantasy
The devil crossed my path this morning. A green-eyed Harley-riding devil. That brief encounter outside in the parking lot was enough to spark a full blown obsession. Like a predisposed addiction, first hit and I was hooked.
I like this. It has a good hook, but the last sentence confused me a little. I'm not sure what he's hooked on, so I would read on to find out.
ReplyDeleteGreat opening line. Not sure the punctuation should be a comma in the last sentence. Like the addiction analogy. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteI really really like this. :) Definately keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like this, but I'd skip the first sentence. The "green-eyed Harley-riding devil" is more interesting than "the devil crossed my path this morning". Perhaps blend the two?
ReplyDeleteInstead of that, I'd say "our", or start with a description of the encounter. Get straight into the story!
I'd keep reading.
Ditto to just about everything else that's been said. Also, you might consider combining the last two sentences: "[Our] brief encounter outside in the parking lot was enough to spark a full blown obsession, like a predisposed addiction: first hit and I was hooked."
ReplyDeleteI do like this. Do we have a real demon here? Or does the demon come later? The one part I found odd, and it could be you intended it, was this happened in the morning. Usually we meet devils in the darkness, especially Harley-riding ones. Regardless (and because of), I would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteReally like this one. Can't say I found any fault and would love to read more.
ReplyDelete